“Bless you,” … “gesundheit” … please shut up.

I’m not sure when drawing attention to someone’s bodily functions became polite. It isn’t. Maybe it makes you feel good about yourself. Like you did something nice today and that makes you a good person. Except it doesn’t. You’re just an attention w**** because somehow even MY sneeze has to be about you.

Maybe someone is talking, maybe its really quiet, or maybe I’m sick and don’t feel well, regardless of the circumstance I don’t WANT to sneeze. It’s loud and quite frankly gross. It’s not my choice and I’m trying to be quiet and inconspicuous about it. But then you and your oh so good intentions have to pipe up and further the disruption by adding your vaguely religious and unnecessary little quip.

There is nothing worse than loudly sneezing during someone’s presentation or when you are taking a test. Oh wait, you know what’s worse? A crowd of vultures following the sneeze with more unnecessary disruptions, competing to see who can make an ass of themselves first.

I won’t say bless you and I can’t describe how physically painful it is to force myself to thank you for your stupid interjection into my life. You aren’t a good person, you aren’t sweet, and you aren’t cute. You are disruptive, irritating, and full of yourself. So next time just don’t because I hate you. Ah-choo.