Nothing is like it used to. The ones I've looked up to now cast a shadow of uncertainty on my life. Why am I so different? Why cant I just be how I'm supposed to? I can feel my friends slowly pushing me away, or really pulling themselves away. But that's okay. I knew they would leave sooner or later. Everyone else does. I see others pointing at me. Maybe it's good, but I doubt it is. I can try to shrink from their view but it never works. The school I once enjoyed no longer feels safe.

My house is nothing more than arguments anymore. My straight A's from childhood are now B's and C's. "You're better than this." A phrase so common its almost an echo in these walls. I try to juggle schoolwork, the sports almost pressured on me, the minute social life i have, chores, and taking on the smal jobs my mothers unable to do. But still the word lazy is still screamed at me. My brother was a fail, so now I must be perfect. I must grow up but still follow my parents every command like a child. The house that was once a safe haven no longer calms me.

The mirror that hangs in me room is more like a crictic now. I dont see the beauty I once saw as a child. I see the flaws society is so bent on making me realize I own. I see the acne that scatters my face, the eyes that are now seen as no longer pretty without makeup. I see my stomach that isnt flat enough, my chest that is too large, my hair thats not long enough. I used to not care. I used to smile at my natural "beauty" now I find ways to fix it. And make it fit society.  My room no longer feels safe.

I can sit in the dark and hear them. The words of everyone elses criticism. It hurts to fake my smile everyday. My eyes avoid the mirror in fear of finding a new flaw they havent seen yet. Ill hide it all under the makeup.  The words they all say echo in my mind night and day. Stupid. Fat. Ugly. Annoying. Useless. Better than this. Not worth it. My mind is my own worst enemy.

The movies and television shows were all wrong. You wont have a bully who will shout insults in your ear. They will call themselves your freind, teacher, classmate or even your parents. They will knock you down and make you feel like a child. They will talk behind your back so you never know it. And every word you tell them will only be a new weapon for them to use. They will mold you into what they want you to be. In a world like the one we live in there is no safe place. The words will always be there. On facebook, instagram, twitter, tumblr, or text. There is no safe place anymore.