I don’t really know how to do this. 

I’ve never written something like this before and I’ve certainly never shared my feelings via the internet or anything like this(Facebook is not my diary).  But do you know when you’re sitting in your room and you remember something you feel like you’ve forgotten ages ago?  Or when you finally figure that problem that you’ve made in your own head?   In the words of John Green’s popular character- Colin-

“Eureka,” Colin said, and only in saying it did he realize that he had just successfully whispered. 

Well, just like Mr. Colin, I too had a eureka while in my room.  Changing my clothes and standing in front of the mirror has always been a big no-no in my head.  The only reason I would want to stand in front of the mirror without my clothes on is if I wanted to spend the whole day laying in my bed and wallowing in my self pity.  But tonight, looking in that mirror and standing in front of it, I had my very own eureka. 

I have never been small.  Ever.  Even as a baby I looked like someone had wrapped rubber bands around my little thighs and calves.  Now, being fifteen, not much has changed.  Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating a little, but being 180 and standing at 5′2, you can imagine I’m a little on the chubby side.  Most days I’m able to make it through the day with as much false confidence as I can muster, but there are days where I’d rather just curl under a rock and never come out again.  But tonight, while I was changing, something in my head clicked.  Staring back at my chubby reflection I realized something that I hadn’t really noticed before. 

I am beautiful. 

I know how cheesy and cliche-like this sounds, but I’m being honest.  As much as I had ever judged myself, I had never, ever stepped back and really inspected myself.  So I am chubby.  SO WHAT?  That question spun through my head like my third load of laundry spun through the washer and I realized that what other people thought- What I had originally thought- Didn’t matter.  What mattered was keeping myself healthy, mentally and physically.  So what I feel more comfortable in a one piece than a two piece?  So what my tummy is soft and cuddling?  So what? 

So I will dance naked in front of the mirror and I will place my hands on my soft tummy and thank God for the life I’ve been given.  I will sing in the shower and look down at my feet and smile as I play the drums using my thighs (Because honestly, who doesn’t do that?). 

Because in the end, my weight doesn’t change my beauty.  And that’s my eureka.