Life is finally starting to settle down three months into high school. At first I thought my world was ending; it seemed too difficult to adjust to life there. Every day was a new adventure with my anxiety, which seems to be one of the hardest things to control or hide. Days and weeks went by and my anxiety continued to take over for about the first two month of school. At the time I had no idea how to calm myself down. I would wake up in the morning and cry my eyes out. I never wanted to go to school. I remember crying to my mom telling her how much anxiety was hurting me. I was so sick and tired of crying every night and morning. . There was one point where I got myself sick to the point of throwing up over going to school. I missed so many math and science classes the first quarter it was crazy. At one point I started to believe everyone hated me. I remember sitting in my room crying because I didn’t think I was loved. I started to notice that this was all anxiety and I was no longer able to have positive thoughts. Everything that came out of my mouth was a negative word. I felt like no one understood me anymore.  I was worried that I was suffering from depression because I cried so much and then it hit me: everyone experiences anxiety at some point in life, but the timing is different. I felt 14 was too young to be having as much anxiety as I did. I lost many friendships because of my anxiety; not many of my friends have experienced it and so I would get ignored by many of them. I spoke to many teachers for help but I didn’t fully listen to what they had to say. Their advice would go in one ear and right out the other. I guess I was so anxious, nervous and stressed out that I just shut everyone out, even the people who mean the world to me. I finally decided to take two pieces of advice that worked at calming my anxiety: writing in a journal and listening to music.  I started listening to K-Love, a station recommended by my teacher. It’s basically all I listen to now, because it has a calming effect on me and I feel safe and confident when listening. Normally, I would listen to rap or hip hop but this station has positive, encouraging music. During the second week of October, that same teacher gave me this book that offered positive tips and affirmations to say to myself to fight through the anxiety that seemed to be killing me on the inside. I also learned not to care about what people think as hard as it is to do. I thought to myself, “If they were true friends they would have stayed in my life for who I am and not for who I am during my anxiety episodes.” I told myself I had enough of this anxiety and I finally started worrying about myself. I was always so concerned about everyone else and for once in my life I could not be selfless; I needed to worry about me because I knew that my anxiety had become a serious issue and I knew I couldn’t fight it anymore. I had to learn how to cope. I basically had no one by my side friend-wise. I thought to myself that I had my family and many teachers who supported me no matter what, so not having many friends who support me does not bother me as much anymore. I know all that matter is that I have my family and teachers by my side. I’ve stayed close with two of my friends who don’t care if I suffer from anxiety or not - they accept me for who I am.

I was once the girl who would hide from her problems and never faced her fears. Until one day I saw this quote and it changed the way I thought. It read, “Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength”. This quote changed me because it made me realize that giving up is so easy but to fight through anything proves that you are strong and that you can overcome anything you put your mind to. I then realized how strong I am and that I just need to take a deep breath because everything will work out. For once in my life, I saw my strength and stopped caring about other people’s negative thoughts. I knew I could stay strong and keep fighting my anxiety. Today I am doing so much better than a couple of weeks ago; my grades are getting back up there and I am truly grateful I turned to positive thoughts and positive things. I read that book that my teacher gave me at least 5 times and every time I read it I feel better about myself. I have also turned to more positive music for my life because it is personally what I need. I went from being a girl who was worried about everything that she did to a girl who has become more confident and less worried about everything. Anxiety no longer defines who I am as a person: yes it will always be a struggle that I will continue to face daily but it will become easier. I am finally starting to believe in myself and I know that I just have to Keep On Going.