His body lay there in front of me, motionless. The body was cold and looked as if it was made of stone. We had been expecting this. The pain went on for over a year and the battle was finally over. This made sense as his face did not show fear, but rather it showed relief. It seemed that his cancer had won but he didn’t lose. Nobody wanted this and I definitely didn’t want to be sitting alongside his body as he took his last breath in that large hospital bed.

My hand was on his heart as it made its last beat. In that moment, everything became real.

Our memories flashed at me all at once, as well as the things that wouldn’t get to become memories. I instantly thought about walking alongside him as we always went down to the dock with nothing but fishing poles and a couple buckets to sit on. I instantly thought about the day we walked alongside one another crossing the old bridge, the day he promised me he would get through this battle. I instantly thought about how I will walk down the aisle alone rather than alongside him.

I would have to accept that family dinners and pictures would have an empty space. I would have to accept that I can’t go to him when mom says no. The man who’s supposed to protect me from mean boys, the one who’s supposed to say ridiculous jokes and make me laugh anyway, the one who I want to be there to witness everything great I do in life… he was lying still in front of me, motionless.

My happiness was in a heart that had took its last beat and when his heart stopped, so did my world.