For as long as I can remember, I have loved order and patterns. As a toddler, I had a program of songs my parents had to sing to me before I could fall asleep: “Puff the Magic Dragon,” “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head,” etc., and if they switched two songs around or forgot one, I made them start over - from the beginning.

“Stop! Go back, go back!” I whined.

When I learned to read, I collected a group of books that I read over and over. I learned the stories inside and out, knew everything the characters would say, and I could go back to them at any time I wanted, any page I wanted and escape. I shut myself in my room, curled up next to Blueberries for Sal, comforted by the rhythm of the story, and the familiarity of the characters. I never had much use for blankets or stuffed animals, the stories were my security blanket.

Growing older took my love for order into my social life as well. My friends had a hard time playing pretend with me, as I would create rules and regulations that they had to follow. I was bossy and controlling, often acting more like a movie critic than a six year old.

“Your character just wouldn’t do that. She’s fourteen, there’s no way she would have her license,” I said, exasperated.

“That’s the point! It’s pretend! It’s whatever we want!” they chimed back.

As much as I love the idea of being a princess in a castle, I love the constraints that hold the story together even more. Stories are divided into genres, that all have familiar characters: heroes, villains, sidekicks. There is a specific arc - problem, climax, solution. The villains try to ruin the day, the hero saves it, the sidekick makes a joke. Every episode of Gossip Girl is the same; Blair Waldorf  tries to ruin a party, Serena Van Der Woodsen comes in to save it flawlessly, and Dan Humphrey, the lovestruck fool, drops a witty line. It is just like a math equation: the formula stays the same, but there are variables that can be substituted in for any situation. Take a character - brave, cowardly, smart, not-so smart - and put them in any situation - a high school, an enchanted forest, a dirty bus stop. Gossip Girl could take place in any era, in any country. It’s something the whole world knows.

Like most people, I often wish I was part of a television show or musical. I wish I didn’t stumble over my words, I always looked perfect despite just fighting a dragon, or people just burst out into song when I felt sad. It goes back to my love of order. So much happens everyday, so fast. And there isn’t a formula for life - it’s just a random deck of cards that I have to deal with. Television and books aren’t an escape for me - it’s another pattern that I find. Every night, I settle into my chair, pull open Netflix and find Lorelai and Rory Gilmore back to their old antics. I climb into bed, crack open a book, and fall into the rhythm of the story. Like when I was little, I stick to the formula. It’s a constant in the mess of life.