Hey, I don’t know who’s going to read this, but I'm going to tell you a story about a boy who's life has him questioning many things. That boy is me, I'm a 15 year old teen living in a small town over in Iowa. This is how I see life, obstacles, obstacles, obstacles. That's all I see, I think it's crazy how we can have so much happen to us as we grow into adulthood.  I for one know, I've been in various amounts of obstacles. Growing up, I've always been a very shy person. I absolutely hate being shy. I have my reasonings, one being that my daily lifestyle is complete silence. I go to school appearing as a ghost, nobody even realizes me throughout a whole class period. That's how completely silent I am! I always saw myself different around bigger crowds, I was honestly lonely. I got sick of all of that too, I went into a very deep depression. Now, I don't know about you guys, but most people usually do harm on themselves to take the pain they're going through. I honestly didn't do any of that, which actually surprised me as a matter in fact. I did have death upon my mind, I just thought about how life would be without me. It wasn't just my shyness that got to me. I'm not the brightest person out in this world, and I know for a fact that "nobody's  perfect." I'm actually in a special education class. That's another thing that got to my depression, there would be multiple things that worry me till this day. As being with a Special Education group, I'm actually embarrassed on people finding out that I’m a special needs student. I just get so paranoid on what will occur if they do find out. I worry that I’ll lose friends, I worry that people will see me even more different than I already am. I worry that my education level is going to ruin my life getting a family, job, and a shelter of my own! Im also bilingual, I am Mexican-American. I speak fluent English, but not Spanish, funny right? Growing up was just very difficult for me, there was a lot I needed help on. There was a point in my life where I held a knife up to my chest. It was a very long, sharp kitchen blade. My parents and siblings were all gone, I was on my own. I went on upstairs to the kitchen, grabbed the knife and stood there with it on the side of my leg. I held the handle of the blade with both hands and positioned it to myself. A thought soon came up to me, showing what my family would find if they came back home. They’d find a body of me on the kitchen floor deceased. I just had a lot of things in my mind as I held the blade, I placed it back into the knife holder. I cried in fear, I always thought I was a disappointment to me, and my family, and everyone else around us. I just ran back into my room and cried, and cried. The crazy thing is, that this was all during when I was in Middle School. You see how a child’s mind can be full of darkness? I kept in so much emotion, that it just ended up eating me alive. Around 8th grade was when I finally came out and told everything that has occurred in my lifetime. Now if I can remember, my special ed teacher pulled me out of class. She told me that I’ve been falling behind, and that I wasn’t acting like myself. I’m a very emotional person, I broke down there. She didn’t know the actual truth behind my reasoning, she just told me to “go relax.” Showing my emotions at school sucks, everybody has their eye on you. You honestly get paranoid, and frightened. I remember crying besides the locker bank, I wanted to just go through the doors and runaway. I didn’t but I had the biggest urge to leave the school. As I was so called “relaxed.” I managed to bump into the vice principal. I remember him saying “Hello,” I just didn’t say a word. He then asked if “I was ok?” Again, that brought me to tears again. 10 minutes later I was in the office. That was when I just broke down and told everything. My mother was informed, and in an hour or two later, I was at a mental health center. I honestly was terrified, I had no clue what to do or say. I panic whenever I’m in a situation like that, it occurs often.  From there, I had appointments left and right. I honestly made my family broke, that’s like the worst feeling you have against yourself. My family did it for me, they did everything they could just to make me a happy boy again. I honestly owe everything to them, they kept me here on this Earth. I love them to death, and I’m glad to be where I am today. I still have my depression, but I manage to get that off my mind. I found a hobby that’s kept me happy as well. I used to listen to Punk Rock bands surprisingly, I found a new music world that’s kept me in awe for the past years. This genre has turned me into a DJ believe it or not haha. Music is also a big part of me as well, it really is for everyone. As me being a DJ, it’s connected me to be producing my very own music as well! Which is still in progress as we speak haha. I recently lost my grandmother not too long ago. That was another thing that’s hit me right in my mind, I really didn’t know much about her, I honestly have trouble communicating with my family over at Mexico. It hurt how I didn’t get to talk to her more for the past years that have occurred. I blame myself, and I just hated myself as well. I still think about how I could’ve been a better person if I just knew more about her. Again my family and music was there to help me guide myself to this very difficult time. This is all I really have to say, but I just want to thank those who took their time and read this. Being through all this is hard, it’s emotional, it’s even just too much. I’ve actually helped people with depression, either it being online, or face-to-face. Everything that happens is suppose to prepare you for different chapters in your life. Prepare yourself for those things, help each other out. This world is dangerous, it really is. My message is to put your head up, don’t bring your head down. Bringing your head down will only mean defeat.
Thank You

Dedicated to my Family, and My teachers