I've never been called a Niger by a white person. I have been called an impressive assortment of other things but never that. I think that people would rather die than do themselves the disservice of dirtying their mouths with the word. I don’t really mind that. I don’t think it could be any more offensive than it already when black people do it. I don’t think it’s cute. I've grown used to it in the same way you get used to being called a kid when your trying to grow up. Unfortunately i can’t grow out of my skin any more then they can stop themselves from noticing it. 

I've been told that i was stupid and believed that i would fail at everything i did. I know because of recent events that it isn't true. I know that believing those things about myself as stupid. I have struggled with depression for around a year and a half. It messed up everything that happened to me. It made me feel like nothing i did was necessary. I thought that i was trying my best because I didn't know what it felt like to succeed, and I didn't mind. It was all I knew. I was failing all my classes and i was going to get kicked out of my magnet school.
That would be a time when a normal person would look to their lord for guidance. I’m an atheist though. I have been along time before my depression kicked in. I think hating myself, if anything made my lack of belief harden like a piece of oak.

Throughout everything I have became stronger and found that I can’t get out of my life, no matter how much i’d like too. No matter what people say i am, i can still do with my life whatever the hell i want. I can be whatever i put my mind to. I can go to college if  I pass. I know that there isn't really a reason why i shouldn't. I am also aware that i wasn't chosen at random to go through what I am going through. That doesn't mean I believe in god, it means i believe in finding a purpose to whatever time we have on the planet.

No matter who tries to fix me i’ll always be black. I don’t want to be shoot or something. I make sure i won’t have to be by not identifying as a black male. It isn't very hard to see why they’re targeted. I think it’s the presence that they have in a room full of people. The one we establish when we pretend that they aren't the same as anyone else. We aren't afraid of the dark because it’s different, we’re afraid because we don’t know what’s inside. People have to be people for the world to go round.

I’m sure every unprivileged person has a moment when they question why they aren't privileged. I have. I've just concluded that it’s because the world is a mix of  random situations created on the chance that we just happened to take to take over the world. And in that case I don’t want to be the person that ruins it for everyone.