This is my choice, my life. I stared at the sharp knife as it glimmered in the sunlight. My hand hesitantly reached for the knife as my mind was filled with fear. My hands shook, my body was cold, and my mind was unwilling to change the events that would follow. I closed my eyes as shivers emulated throughout my body. I didn’t see the knife as my death, I saw it as my ticket out of this dark world.

A world full of imperfections and cruel human beings that think they can achieve more with power than compassion. Earth was a place where I was trapped. It was the place where I was caged in with rules and hurdles so high that I couldn’t overcome. Some say that life is a game, but I think that life is a burning h*ll. A h*ll burning will flames and unavoidable obstacles. A place where the one in power is staring down and laughing at all the uncontrollable evil that lay in this world.

Do I want to live in this world? No. So why should I keep trying to solve my impossible puzzle. I should keep trying. It is stupid to try when you know the outcome of a situation. I was put into this hellish place where the outcome is death. Yah. I guess I am a pessimist, but I am also realistic. The bullies I were up against didn’t care about anyone else. All they cared about was making everyone else feel like nothing while they lay superior. Physical, emotional, ruthless bullies. I would come home from highschool to ask myself why I was asian, why I was set on Earth to face these challenges, and why I was the one getting picked on. They would crush my glasses into two halves and they would punch and kick me in front of everyone in the school. Even the administrative couldn’t make things better. They would tell me to just walkaway and to avoid them. Well, I think we both know that that would accomplish nothing. They do know that the bullies can walk right? They know that bullies are smart enough to follow someone around right? Obviously they were didn’t.

All of these memories made me less afraid and more determined to set my soul free. I then slowly took the knife and held it above my wrist. This was it. This is where I put an end to my dreadful life and begin a new life, hopefully better than this one. Suddenly my parents came. The were crying when they realized what I was about to do. My father then ran at my trying to grasp the knife. “I love you guys.” Tears rushed down my face as I gave my wrist three colorful streaks of red. Blood ran down my hand as I layed on the wooden floor. I felt nothing but the tears of my parents as they held me in there hands.

I woke up in a white room. Is this the start of a new life? My new life? When my eyes adjusted to the brightness of the room, I noticed three packages of blood attached to a metal hanger. I then knew where I was. I was in the hospital. Water flooded my eyes as I looked at my left wrist. There was a white cast that surrounded the place where I had tried to get the job done.

“No. It can’t be.” I said aloud. Suddenly, my mother rushed in and asked me how I was doing. My nose flared as anger filled my head until I exploded. “Why did you stop me?”, I yelled

“Do you realize what a selfish thing to commit suicide?”, she asked. Tears filled her eyes as she bit her lip.
“Not as selfish as you trying to save me when I don’t even like this world,” I then realized what I had said and tried to take it back, “I am sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.”  She then wrapped her warm arms around me as shivers guilt and regret ran throughout my body.

“It's okay.”, she mumbled, “It is okay. Just know that your father and I love you with all of our heart. Is that too much to ash?”

“No. It isn’t."