“You're nothing but a selfish jerk!” “Do you even have feelings?” “Do you even care about anyone but yourself?” “Can't you see your words hurt?” “You are a bully!” That's the only thing that I heard coming from my friends, and it was painful to listen to them. So am I a bully?

I wasn't born rich, and I'm sure wasn't the smartest person in the world. I was one the smallest kid in my classes and I had little friends during elementary school and for that I was picked on. I was always made fun of but I pretended that it didn't bother me. I believe that those kids were right about me that I was a nobody and that everyone hated me, so I really never told anyone because I thought they were right. “Why me?” I told myself over and over again in my head as I sat underneath a tree during recess. I was pushed, threw pencils at, and yelled at, but I don't care. As years passed I started to grow a shell around me to protect myself, and it worked unfortunately. I started not to care about others comment about me and I started not to care about others feelings.

During middle school I was a lot taller than I was during elementary school and I started to make some friends but not the good kinds. I learned how to defend myself from hated comments and I learned how to say some really nasty things, but overall I was better than before right? “I'm a cool guy!” I told myself as I bullied others without even knowing or realizing how much I was hurting others. I spit into this one boy's food during lunch without him noticing. I punched this one boy in the stomach during gym in the locker room and told him “you better not snitch.” I made one girl cry about her dead dog that was hit by a car. I was the definition of a bully, and I didn't even know it.

Now I'm a junior in high school and I'm honestly shocked that I made it this far. I try to be nicer because I have new wonderful friends, but it's hard. I try not swearing but that's really difficult to do when you have been doing it as a little kid. I been trying to take people's feelings into account when I say a joke or a comment but again that's hard too. I'm trying to change myself but it's hard but not impossible right? I'm really trying to change because I don't want to be alone so please don't give up on me because I'm trying for you and for myself, I promise.

“You're nothing but a selfish jerk!” Okay I can be selfish at times so I'm sorry but I'm not just selfish. “Do you even have feelings?” I do just like you and I'm sorry for not noticing that I was rude and hurtful to you. “Do you even care about anyone but yourself?” Yes I care about you now even if you hate me because sometimes I hate myself for what I done. “Can't you see your words hurt?” I can now and I'm truly sorry for all the nasty things I said to you. “You're a bully?” I know and no matter how many times I say “I'm sorry” It will never change the past but I will change now, so please don't give up on me.