The Love That I Lost | Teen Ink

The Love That I Lost

September 13, 2014
By LemonHead15 BRONZE, Millwaukee, Wisconsin
LemonHead15 BRONZE, Millwaukee, Wisconsin
4 articles 1 photo 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nothing is impossible, it has just never been achieved..."
-Anyonumus


Every love story I’ve read throughout my life has been about a boy and a girl that fall in love at first sight and get married. However, I want to share a different type of love story with the world. My story, which is about a girl and *gasp*, another girl, and this story doesn’t have a happy ending, unlike most love stories. My story was just the beginning.

It was her. The one girl that drove me nuts, but in the wonderful way. Her name was Taylor. It all begun the first day of 7th grade...she was strolling down the hallway; hips moving side to side with her hourglass figure, her smile that could light up an alley, the signature hair flip...she was beyond compare. That was the moment I was determined to talk to her, but like any little crush...I was too shy to even wave, afraid of something simple, like if she were to not wave back. She was perfect, and I was just so...not. I felt so mediocre compared to her. Plus, knowing my luck, she was probably straight like the rest of the girls at this d**n school. So it wouldn’t have mattered even if I did talk to her. I tried day and night for weeks that seemed like years to just get over her, thinking the feeling would go away like any normal middle school crush, but it didn’t. Everyday since that moment, I payed attention to everything about her. The looks she gave to people, her charming walk, her delightful voice, and her joy-filled laugh...I couldn’t help it. This was no normal crush and I knew it, but one day changed my life forever. I was placed in the standard art class, but when I walked in...she was sitting their. At a table 2 away from mine. I began to become sweaty and nervous. I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks while I tried so hard to not make eye contact with her. I hurried over to my assigned seat and parked myself in my cold, uncomfortable chair; squealing as I pull it out from underneath the table. I was the last one to get to class, so the teacher finally begins to talk. She states that we were going to have to work in pairs today to draw a random image. She combines us randomly, and of course me and Taylor ended up together. I rest my head on my desk in disbelief. The one person that I could barely say hi to would have to work with me person to person. I began to feel like I couldn’t do anything. That I would draw an image and she would laugh because it would be horrible through her eyes, or she would erase my work to make it better. I felt inferior to her. She was a goddess and I was the peasant. The teacher dismissed us to begin working, and I didn’t want to move. I felt glued to my seat. I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw Taylor walking over by me with a smile printed across her face. I lifted my head as she pulled her chair out and sat down.
“So, what do you wanna draw?” said Taylor. I stared at her with wide eyes...that beautiful girl I was too shy to talk to, spoke to me.
“Um...I’m not sure...it’s up to you...” I said shyly. She giggled and took and piece of paper and pencil and began drawing. Her perfectly curved lines walked across the paper as she began putting them together to create a picture. As I watched her closer, I noticed she was drawing a girl. This girl was drawn with the best body, all the shading was on point, it’s hair looked so realistic; I couldn’t believe how great of a drawer she was.
“You're a really great drawer...” I stated. She picked up her head in the middle of finishing the picture and smiled at me. I took that as a “Thanks” type of face. I smiled back at her and watched her finish her drawing. When she was completely done, we both got up and ambled our way over to the teacher to turn in the work. The teacher complimented our work and had us just hang around until the bell rang to go to our next class. When me and Taylor sat down again, she began talking to me, going on and on about how great of a time she had hanging out with me even though I really didn’t do anything. She mentioned that she had always wanted to talk to me but she was too shy...obviously I could relate, so I began to talk to her for the rest of the class even though my heart was racing 100 miles per hour afraid I might say something that makes me look stupid. Thankfully, I didn’t do much of the talking. By the time the bell rang, she had given me her number and told me to text her sometime. I was ecstatic that I spoke to the one girl I have been falling for, for the longest time. As she walked out of class, the corners of my lips began to move upwards as I smiled the biggest smile I ever have.

8th grade was upon us. The summer felt so short, like mother nature just cut out 2 months of our vacation and let autumn roll in. The leaves began to turn a golden and copper color as I let the cool breeze comb through my hair as I walk out the door to leave for my friend Kit’s house. I usually go there when I want to get out of the house, so I was planning on sleeping over for the weekend before school starts. Once I arrive, I can hear the dogs barking and some of Kit’s brother’s (Mitchell) friends, chatting up a storm in the living room. Kit comes to greet me and as I am walking into the living room, I see Taylor. I was so happy to see her that I run up and embrace her in my arms as she wraps her hands around me in response.
“I didn’t know you knew Kit?” I stated. As she unwrapped her arms from around me she said, “Yea, I live right down the street. I come here all the time.” The moment she said that, my face lit up. That meant we lived close to each other and we could visit each other.
“No way! I live right down the street too. I just walk here.” I said. She smiled as we began talking about how crappy and boring summers were, and how we needed to hang out the summer after 8th grade. Later on that night, Taylor told me how she had to leave at 10 o’ clock. It was currently 9:45 which meant she would have to go soon. I was very disappointed that we couldn’t have hung out longer, so Taylor, me, Kit, and some of Mitchell’s friends all played a quick round of truth or dare.
“Taylor, truth or dare?” I asked, as I watched her face shoot up from her phone to come in eye to eye contact with me.
“Um..truth” She said. Since I liked her for so long, I decided to ask her a ‘personal’ question.
“Alright, do you have a boyfriend?” I asked. Hoping that she wouldn’t get creeped out by my question. She answered “Yes, his name is AJ.” which happened to be my friend at the time. I automatically thought she was straight, that I would never get a chance with her and it broke my heart. But I ignored the feeling since the game was almost over. Most of the other questions ended up being dares, so it went by pretty quick, and it ended up being the typical boy kiss girl type of dares until it came to Taylor.
“Taylor, truth or dare?” said one of Mitchell’s friends.
“Dare.” Taylor said shockingly. She didn’t seem like the type of girl to choose dare in my eyes. So Mitchell’s friend pointed to me.
“I dare you to kiss Raven.” He said. I was shocked. My cheeks turned a fiery red as I began to feel like I was being trapped in an oven. I was going to have to kiss the girl of my dreams for the first time although she had a boyfriend. I thought to myself ‘This is my chance....possibly the only chance to kiss her’. As she walked over to me,  my hands began to tremble, so I hid them behind my back. I could see her leaning forward, prepared to press her lips to mine. I stared in her eyes for the split second they were open before the fireworks went off. Her lips came in contact with mine as she began to kiss me, gently yet firmly. I closed my eyes and enjoyed every second of it while I blocked out the whistles around us. I could feel her hair fall on my face and she put her hands around my waist and I placed my arms around her neck. It was the best kiss of my life. As she stood back, releasing her lips from mine, I could see her looking at me with a grin held across her face, oblivious to how I felt about that kiss. I smiled back as she grabbed her stuff, getting ready to head out the door. I jumped up out of my chair like a pin stuck me in the a** and I ran over to her and hugged her like I’ve never hugged anyone before.
“Goodbye Taylor” I said, disappointed that she had to leave. She told me to text her as she walked out the door. I watched her walk away until she was out of sight. I pulled out my phone and sent her a goodnight text as I slowly hopped onto the couch and fell asleep with love butterflies flying around in my stomach.
The next morning I awoke to my phone buzzing. It was a text from Taylor saying that her and AJ broke up. I was extremely happy yet upset at the same time. I responded back saying how I was sorry for her, while in reality, I was smiling like a toddler getting their first toy. I felt like an a**hole, but I couldn’t help the fact that I might’ve had a chance with her.
I went through the day hanging out with kit and playing video games until later that night. Where one text changed my life forever. It was Taylor, she texted me saying how much she enjoyed kissing me and that she had liked since she first laid eyes on me. She went on and on about her feelings until I finally came to the last sentence. “Will you be my girlfriend?” I couldn’t even describe how happy I was when I read the paragraph. There are no words for the way I felt besides I felt like I was going to pass out. I think my cheeks grew biceps because of how much I was smiling. I couldn’t help myself. Of course I said yes to her and explained the way I felt as well. We both talked all night, I couldn’t sleep. But before I fell asleep, she told me that her parents were homophobic, which meant we would have to keep our relationship a secret. Since I loved her so much, I was ok with it. We both seemed so happy throughout our relationships. We talked all the time, held hands, slept over at each others houses...I loved it. We would say that we love each other every night, we would cuddle, and we probably kissed each other more than we ever hugged. I thought we were going to be together forever. I wanted to be with her forever, and she said the same to me, but I was wrong. About 2 weeks after we started dating, she left me. Told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was devastated. I thought to myself...”Was she lying? All those things she said to me, the kisses, the cuddles, the I love you every night before we went to bed. Was it all a lie?” I felt played with...like a childs teddy bear. Their happy to have it for a while, but when they get bored, they throw it out. That’s how I felt, like a god d**n teddy bear. When my friends found out, they felt sorry for me. Told me not to date her again because I’ll just get hurt, but it wasn’t that easy. She had asked me out 3 more times after the first, my friends would shake their heads at me in disappointment, knowing I would get hurt again. I kept trying to convince them, “She’s changed! Trust me!”, but I was wrong every time I said that. I made myself look like a fool, let my heart get the best of me and ignored my mind, telling me to not trust her...that she didn’t change. I got love sick...literally. Everytime I saw her in the hall, my stomach felt queasy...like it was going to explode any second and millions of dead butterflies would spill out. But that feeling soon changed to anger...hatred. My friends had come up to me and told me she left the last time because she was with some other guy, although she told me she was a lesbian. She had tricked me again. I didn’t want to believe it...but I didn’t want make a fool of myself any longer. So I believed my friends, the ones that were right about her all along. I didn’t talk to her for my whole freshman year, and although it killed me inside, I had to let my head take control. To not let her take me back, I wasn’t going to be easy this time around. She seemed confused when I ignored her, like she didn’t know why I was mad. I thought this was just another way of her controlling me, messing with my head. But I soon found out she really was confused. By sophomore year, we had stopped making any contact with each other. I didn’t even look at her anymore. I was dating different people, and she was dating different people. I didn’t mind, I figured this would be a good way for me to get over her, but I was wrong. My last class of the day was creative writing. As I walk into class right before the bell rings, I see Taylor. She was sitting near the back at a table, waving for me to come sit beside her. My head told me not to, but there wasn’t anywhere else to really sit. As I plop myself onto the chair, she begins talking to me. Almost like we were best friends, like nothing had ever happened between us. I looked at her with my eyebrows raised, in a confused manner. She goes on and on, so I just go along with it. I didn’t bring up the past or anything. After a couple classes went by, she began to talk about the past herself. About how she misses me. I figured she was just trying to deceive me again, use me like every other time. So I began to bring up all the times that she screwed up in our relationships, including the last time where she cheated on me.
“Wait what? I never cheated on you. I left the last time because my dad saw our messages and was pissed.” Taylor explained. My head told me she was lying, but my heart told me she wasn’t. I tried to figure out whether or not to believe her, but it was so hard. I loved her, yet I hated her, but I let my heart get to me again. I ended up believing her. So we became friends again. We would talk every moment we had class together and we would smile and wave at each other in the hallway. She now has a boyfriend that she’s been with for the past 6 months...I’m happy for her. She doesn’t need me, she needs someone that will make her happy. Someone that her family will accept and won’t cause problems. We agreed that if we still have feelings for one another by the time were 18, we would try to get back together. But who knows if that will actually happen. Most people say that teenagers don’t know the true meaning of love...but I think if you're willing to take a bullet for someone that has left you stranded so many times...you know what love is. Although Taylor and I have an awful past with our love life, she will always have a piece of my heart because she was my love that I lost.


The author's comments:

This story is true...it happend and the ending is still happening today. I hope to hear any crituqes you may have for me! Thanks!


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