Being a teenager with strict parents, I often lied to them out of fear that if I told them the truth about my feelings and certain events in my life, they will disapprove and punish me. I do understand that they love me and want the best in life for me because they are extremely over-protective. But sometimes, I believed that some things in my life needed to be kept a secret or some plans needed to be executed behind their backs, because I was afraid of them responding negatively towards it.
My best friend was a boy. We knew each other since we were 12 years of age. He was always there for me whenever I needed support, helped me to have a positive view of my physical body, and he gave me the best advice for problems I had in school. Like some boy-girl friendships, ours did not include feelings that were “more than friends” simply because he was gay. I thought this was perfect since my parents would at least know nothing intimate would occur between the both of us. I, however, hesitated throughout the years to introduce him to my parents because they were very strict about my social interactions and relationships with boys. I finally introduced him to them on my 16th birthday.
Having strict parents, I was never allowed to go out much. They would always say “no”. I could not blame them, understanding that my mom is very ill. She is ill for more than one year now and has even gotten unable to drive. Due to her unfortunate condition, the entire family has been unable to go out much since we all needed to stay home to care for her. But after a year, I began to feel trapped and tied down. One day, I was invited to my friend’s birthday celebration at the movies and of course, the answer to that was “no”. Everything was “no”. I eventually began to feel restless and unhappy and decided to lie to them. I thought that if I asked them to go out for an educational purpose, they would say yes rather than if I asked to go out for an entertainment purpose. And I did. And it worked the first time. The second time, however, the unthinkable occurred.
At the end of each school term, there is a huge social gathering at the mall for teenagers. The first time I ever went, mom went with me and she disapproved of the entire event and even banned me from attending it again. My best friend and I had really wanted to go this year since it would be the last time we could attend it due to writing exams and graduating the upcoming year. In addition, he would be leaving the country to pursue his education abroad. Already knowing what my parents’ response would be, we planned ahead. With his help, we created a false email account for my History teacher and sent an email to myself stating that I needed to be on the school compound on that Saturday for an educational session. I showed it to mom and she believed it. The rest of the plan was that on leaving the school’s compound, we would both meet and travel to the mall. It all sounded and played out perfectly in my head, but very little did I know that I was risking my entire school career.
School was about to close for the summer, so not much was happening. I refused to go to school and do nothing when I could be at home exercising or watching a good movie. My History teacher became worried about my absence from school and called my mom to ask if everything was okay and that I should come to school to collect my History paper. Mom became confused and queried about the session on Saturday to which my History denied having any knowledge about. On receiving a phone call from the school and my mother and realizing that my plan had been foiled, my entire body weakened and I immediately called my best friend and instructed him to delete the email account. We both became terrified and anxious about what would happen. He made me promise to not mention his name and decided to lie my way out of the situation. I learned the hard way that a lie does not cover up another lie. Instead it creates a bigger and uglier mess than before. I made a huge mistake by involving all of my other friends into my problem. My good friends from school got called into the principal’s office for interrogation and rumors quickly spread among our year group. This created a lot of conflict and confusion among my friends since no one knew of the plan and what I did, except for me and my best friend. The principal requested that I come into the office with my parents the following day. I could not sleep that night. I had no idea what to do or how to approach the situation in the morning.
I was seated between both my parents in the office. The principal, my History teacher and the Vice principal sat opposite me, their cold stares burrowing into my soul. I denied the proof they had, which was a facebook conversation between me and one of my classmates as I explained to her what was going on. It was a heartbreaking sight to see the disappointment and hurt on my parents’ faces as she read the conversation loudly enough for everyone to hear. My mom burst into tears and I felt my heart rate quicken. I mustered all of my strength to maintain a straight face and appear calm. On the inside, my mind screamed at me “Don’t cause any more damage. Tell the truth right now!” Eventually my ocean of lies had no effect against the proof they had and I allowed myself to drown. I sank straight to the bottom with the truth as my anchor. I broke my promise and told them about my best friend’s involvement. I was mentally broken down and all of my emotions swarmed around me as the pain I held could no longer be contained and I also burst into tears. I did not care in that moment, about myself or my happiness. The weight of lies became too heavy and I needed to face the consequences.
Ever since that day, I lost my parents’ trust completely. They took all of my electronic devices and deleted all of my social media accounts. I lost all of my friends since they are too angry and disappointed to talk to me. Their view on my personality changed from a good one to a negative one because of this one mistake. My parents have banned me from communicating with my best friend and even expressed how disgusted they are to find out that he was gay. My principal and teachers are now closely watching me. I was lucky that my History teacher was merciful enough to not press charges against me. My entire life shattered in those two hours.
They said I had no feelings since I showed no remorse for my actions and they described me as a “stone”. The truth is, my entire life, I have been disguising and hiding my real emotions and feelings from my parents and relatives. I got accustomed to maintaining a straight expression around them, while emotionally collapsing on the inside. I never talked to them about things that bothered me in school such as being bullied or barely fitting in. I kept everything to myself and usually cried in private, which was why I was mostly alone.
After this situation, my mother tried to be there for me more than ever. She told me, “Stop moping around. Yes, you made a mistake, but you can either allow this to MAKE you or BREAK you.” And I did allow it to break me for a while. I was depressed, lonely, and kind of suicidal, but seeing how much they were both supportive into trying to help me get up after this fall, I was convinced to allow it to MAKE me. As time passed, my emotions settled and I started to become used to how things were. I still haven’t heard from any of my friends but that is the least of my concerns right now. It is true that you never know who your true friends are until you need them the most. There was absolutely none of them available when I needed support and advice or just someone to talk things through with. Their view on my personality changed with one mistake I committed. They fail to realize that one bad event can’t define a person. I will never allow this occurrence to define who I am. Here I am trying to thrive and make a difference in my life and pick up from where things fell. I realize that I need my parents more than ever and I admit I was surprised when they showed understanding and tried to help me instead of physically punishing me. It turns out, I was wrong all along. I should have never been afraid to hide my real feelings and emotions from them and the things that happened in my life that hurt and bothered me. Out of everyone, this situation affected and hurt them the most. I betrayed their love and trust and now I have to compensate for that. Never take your parents’ love or trust for granted by lying and hiding from them because they are the people, at the end of the day, who will always support you no matter what happens. They may be angry or disappointed at first, but that is only a reflection of their love for you and their expectations. A friend’s love may be temporary but family is forever.