A Glimpse into My Mind

I am not like other girls. I will never be like them. I am surrounded by friends, but I often find myself in my own little world. I do not view this as a bad thing, wandering and exploring the crevices of my own mind. I find comfort being alone in my thoughts, changing the world in front of me to be something more. Taking simple things and transforming them to be inspiring. I find peace with books, never the electronic type. The good old fashion paperbacks. The smell, the feel, it warms my whole body and refreshes my mind.

When I write, something incredible happens. I can be feeling so down, so not myself, and then I pick up a pen and suddenly I am alive. I can be anything through the characters I invent. I can feel pain and love in new ways from the words that flow from my heart to the page.

Something I have learned about myself through being a writer is that I am always in love. I am in love with living and trying new things. I am in love with the art I create and the writing I produce. I am in love with the release a pen brings me. I am in love with the memories I have and the idea of the ones I want to make in future times.

I have also learned my greatest fear is not finding someone who shares this love of life, someone who can love me with the fire that I will love them. Sometimes I think no man will see in me what I want him to, someone who is happy and full of energy. I am missing this fire in my life, this type of love. The love that I will find inspiration in every day.

I believe some people are placed in your life so that you fall in love with the idea of them. We are given a match to light a flame, but the ignition of a fire is to come later. Blinded by the smoke of these flames, we fall hard. I, many times, have felt a love for another. But every time there comes a moment when I realize I have to blow out this flame, tell the person I thought I loved good-bye because it isn’t right. He is not my fire. Simply a flicker, a foreshadow, of the light that awaits me.

My fear is to live life with these small loves, often one sided, short-term flings. I do not want to be surrounded by candles and constantly craving a forest fire. Through writing, I can create the idea of this fire, this huge explosion of romance that I want so badly. Yet, I am still waiting for my one love. I read about it all the time but I have never been head over heels in love with someone, and have no doubts about how much they love me in return. I am ready to ignite the love inside my heart, and shine bright with my one and only by my side. I am excited to enter this chapter of my life, but I need the right person to come along to flip the page.

This fear and recognition of who I am and what I want will always scare me because there is a chance to fail. However, I plan on using this fear as a drive to seek what I want and never stop searching. I know in the end, finding someone to share my thoughts and life with will be well worth the wait. It is time to look fear in the eye and open my heart. It is my time.





Join the Discussion

This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

JRaye This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:45 am
I can completely relate :) God, this is beautiful. There's nothing better than knowing exactly who you are, even if it is scary.
 
Janelle7 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 25, 2014 at 3:11 pm
WOw! soo so so beautiful written! Amazing!
 
bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback