When this traditional school year started, I felt a rush of exhilaration. It's definitely changed since then. I haven't felt true happiness in quite sometime. Now that I look back at it's been years. My father died when I was 10. My mother soon fell into depression and closed down her business. My sister soon left for college. My brother had moved out. I was in a world surrounded my despair and the gentle hands of my mother. In the end she is all I had. She cared for me when no one else did. My sister pushed me educationally. I have been my own definition of what it takes to be a man. Some people say that's good, that you have to go through life to find out what "manhood" really is. Recently I've been exposing my emotions more and more. People have been taking notice. Of course not my sister, or mother, but instead friends who have tightened their hold on my personal life. But they still don't understand every aspect of it. They have yet to see the full picture. It's brilliant actually being able to hide such raw emotion for six years. It's a heck of a challenge. My school work has also been slipping. Slowly but surely. Soon I'll fall. Then the whole world will be upside down but no one will care to lend a hand to a fellow who really needs it. Because in the end, you only have yourself.