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Losing a Loved One to Alzheimer's
Everyone lets go at some point. Everyone leaves? When I was about ten, my grandma had been told she had Alzheimer’s. I examined as it all went down through those hard-hitting times. I questioned if I could comfort her in any manner? I didn’t need to lose my greatest buddy!
“Darling?” My mother called.
I walked in, and she had just wiped away her tears. “Mom? Is everything alright?” I questioned.
She sat me down, and then she whispers in my ear… “Chelsea, in a couple years, Grandma is going to completely forget everyone.”
I glared into her eyes as a throbbing in my ribcage began like a rapid fire. “A-are you kidding.” I asked not wanting to face the truth of losing her like I had lost others.
She eyed me and said, “Not at all.” I felt the ripping pain in my chest grow faster. This felt like the worst thing in the world.
Then I stayed with my grandpa and grandma for the summer. I was cleaning dishes, sweeping, and mopping the floors. Every time I went down there, I cleaned and fed the animals for them. Out of nowhere she said, “Look at our maid go!” I looked at her and asked in a calm voice, “Grandma, do you not know me?” She then looked at me like I had just been rude. She said in a rough voice, “Talk to me like that again, and I will fire you!” This made me cry so hard, but I also stayed up all night. Did she forget who I was? Yes, she did but not by will. I tried to stop crying, but I just couldn’t. Not after everything that had happened played through my mind and knowing I can’t do anything.
Most people distance themselves, trying to escape the cries and discomfort of a loss. In the beginning we all have someone or something we want to keep, to hold onto for comfort or affection, Rather to be forced to, to feel like we belong? Some people cling. I am one of those people. I hate letting things go… like my baby blanket. Ma and Nana made it for me; I slept with it every night. When I was sick, it was there. When I was crying, it was they’re collecting all my tears. I never gave it up! I had to sleep with it. It was something to remind me of my grandma.
When I had lain wretched at nightfall I observed the night sky. I remembered what my Nana had told me. She was snipping her nails, flinging one in the air. She then murmured, “Look there, it’s shining in the sky!” I looked up to find the slit moon, and I giggle now because I actually thought it was true. I remember when I was watching a show on TV, a cartoon. I left my blanket to get a drink. When I came back and the dog was ripping into it!
My mom rushed in as I was trying to get the monster shredder away from the blanket. “Bear!!!” she screamed. Grandma rushed in and took the blanket. I looked up at them, waterworks flowing down my face and brokenhearted. “Is-Is it too far gone?” I asked. They smiled “Not at all, honey. We will repair it. I guarantee,” My grandma said. They sowed it and then gave it back.
When grandpa was in the hospital, I was 13. My grandma still remembered him, however not me or my siblings or my cousins. I looked at my grandpa lying there, the last time I might see him alive. As I turned to look at my backpack with a baby blanket in the top part. I looked at him. Then I looked back at the bag, I pondered about it. I pulled it out and lay on his chest, saying, “It prepared me to feeling restored. It will make you feel better.” It took a month for him to get out of the hospital. Each night and all through the day, Grandma stayed by his side. We on my birthday I opened a present, and it was there my baby blanket that is. Instead I boxed it away for the future child of mine.
For other’s Grandma was Grandma. For me it was like she had already passed. I was the one desperate to not be abandoned by my family and friends. In a way, I still am. I lose much in my attempt to keep someone. I always have lost more than gained during these times, like In a relationship when we’re kids and one falls for the other. We keep them in our hearts like the memories, begging them to stay, but they leave. We always beg loved ones to stay or do something even if they don’t want us. In this case she had no choice, to neither leave nor stay. I begged the Lord to help her and lots of other’s, but he yet did not.
Through these times I learned that sometimes it takes all your faith and all your heart to keep up and stay strong. I also learned not to expect fantasies to happen, like when you wish for rain when you’re in the desert. I will always remember it’s not loved ones being here, but it’s that we don’t want the days we spent with them to end. It’s worse than losing a loved one that had memory loss and no medicine that could help them. It’s like the person you knew is gone, and the person they are now is not who or what you want to see. It takes patients, courage, and support from loved ones to get it. I always worried about life and losing people, but now I just think if you loose them, you lose them I may want them but it’s probably the best.
I guess leaving is a good. You don't want to force something to last, force it to the point where you question your existence in someone’s life, what role you play.
In the end, we can never control the outcome. We can never keep the one we believed has kept us grounded for so long. The one that made us feel whole.
Honestly, I think I am going to lose her…. my grandma. I think I will lose her completely this year or sooner. She is still alive, but she does not a clue with any memories. My whole family is Christian, and so is my grandma. I honestly lost faith. I used to believe… I prayed every night until I slowly realized nothing I prayed about was getting better. That’s when my faith it slowly started to go away.
Everybody has that individual they run to or just humbly love greatly. She was the one I had always run to, just to talk or just to get some stuff out of my mind. I have always told her everything. Now I can’t do that like I used to. When things occurred, she was nearby. We always told each other everything. She knew every thing like secrets, crushes, etc. I was bullied as a child, and I always talked to her about it. Also my mother knew everything.
Perhaps she had her brain drained. Perhaps somewhere down in her, she remembers? I have attempted to hold on to the ones I love and care about; she has being in pain. Then I blame myself, thinking that she might have been in pain. In the end I had learned much. I learned that sometimes I have to accept things even if it’s the worst. Even if I don’t want it to occur, sometimes I just have to rest back and wait for events to ensue on their own. I also have realized that going through all that with my grandmother made me feel like I had already lost her.