Blissfully Unaware MAG

By Christina Nieves, South Plainfield, NJ

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. The freshly fallen snow gave way under my feet. My new, bright red boots tackled the snow almost as effectively as a plow. The only sounds were the monotone of my steps and my breathing. The winter air was crisp and there was ice along the roads.

Crunch.

Oh, great. Now my sweater was starting to move around. Off came the book bag. Off came the jacket, scarf, and third layer. Amidst the random pieces of clothing on the ground, I tried to adjust my too-large sweater, which had twisted so that the front was in the back and the back was making its way to the front. I finally got everything back on the right way and hoped to regain the warmth lost in the process.

Realizing I was only halfway home, I took out my trusty MP3 player to listen to my temporary friends: Blue October, Coldplay, and Maroon 5. When I looked up again I spotted a group of kids staring at a boy who was lying on his back on the sidewalk.

Oh, geez, I have to pass these people. I bet they pushed that kid down. If I walk fast enough, maybe they won’t bother me, I thought.

As I got closer, the group laughed as the boy picked himself up, and they ran across the street. The kid turned back to me and shouted, “Oh! Be careful there – it’s ice!”

In the short time it took me to hear and process what he had said, I had already trekked past the point of doom. I had stepped down onto what could have been an ice rink.

I stumbled idiotically for my balance, clinging to nearby bushes. But despite my desperate attempt to stay upright, I began falling. At first it was only a lean backward, but the weight of my book bag assured my lack of recovery.

I looked left and right to see if anyone was around. I knew how funny I looked and I could even picture the weird face I had made as I hit. I would have laughed at myself if it hadn’t hurt so much. So I picked myself up, re-adjusted things, and tried to hide the pain in my butt as I walked on.



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This article has 14 comments.


KylieK GOLD said...
on Nov. 3 2012 at 8:22 am
KylieK GOLD, Mt. Washington, Kentucky
11 articles 0 photos 270 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To love is to surpass one's self."

I laughed so hard! I love it! :D

on Jul. 30 2011 at 3:56 pm
PaperIdeas BRONZE, Houston, Texas
1 article 0 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"…because nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff… Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can’t-control-yourself love it. Hank, when people call people nerds, mostly what they’re saying is ‘you like stuff.’ Which is just not a good insult at all. Like, ‘you are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness’

I like the simplicity of the story, and the voice you used to write it....

alexlbright0 said...
on Jun. 30 2011 at 1:23 pm
I loved this story because i can relate to the embarassing situation, unfortunately for me there were people present and they got quite a kick out of it. Enjoyed the story

on Apr. 11 2011 at 8:04 pm
Untouchable-Summer SILVER, Cranford, New Jersey
6 articles 0 photos 86 comments

Favorite Quote:
Even the best fall down sometimes

I agree with tuffgirl! I would take it as a compliment. I see what you mean Identity, but it's a great way to get noticed by an author who you respect.

WhiteShadows said...
on Oct. 17 2010 at 5:27 pm
WhiteShadows, Ocala, Florida
0 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
You've gotta work like you don't need the money/love like you'll never be hurt/
Sing like no one is listening/ and live like it's heaven on Earth.-Anonymous

Pretty good, but I have a few suggestions.

First, NEVER start a story with onomonopeias (words that describe sound, if you didn't know. Such as 'zap' or 'crunch'. It's isn't the best way to start a story.

Second, there wasn't much of a climax. You built up a good rising action, and your readers expected a really good dramatic climax. Instead, all we got was a short summary of you falling. I think you should have made your climax a little more climatic.

I do like the ending however. In this story, you were trying to get up and go away discreetly, and that's how you ended; discreetly. In writing, your attitude should affect your writing style, which you did perfectly in the end.

Lastly, I LOVE Coldplay (notice my avatar is the Viva la Vida cover and screename is WhiteShadows...:)) so I love your MP3 player playlist!!

Overall, your story was really good but needs to be tweaked.


TuffGurl said...
on Oct. 17 2010 at 8:16 am
I think it's fine. It's actually a compliment, because if you ask for them to read your work and rate and comment, it means that you want them to because you loved their pieces and think that their opinion counts. And have you ever asked writers to rate and comment on your pieces? Probably when you were starting out. So don't be quick to judge.

on Oct. 14 2010 at 3:53 pm
Identity BRONZE, Richmond Hill, Other
3 articles 1 photo 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
That was then, this is now

You shouldn't ask people to look at your work. Because underneath this article we are suppose to tell the author our opinions. Although you have done that you should not tell people to go rate and feedback on your work. Since this is the authors space...

on Aug. 4 2010 at 12:20 pm
KourtneyBriann BRONZE, Niles, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 90 comments
This is a great story. Plzzzzzzzzzzz everyone give me some feedback and ratings on my work!! Thanx (:

on Jul. 21 2010 at 6:03 am
deus-ex-machina14 BRONZE, Stewartsville, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 439 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There are two main tragedies in life. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." -Oscar Wilde

The writing is very easygoing, but still very articulate and thoughtful. Great job!

teen_queen said...
on Jul. 13 2010 at 2:36 pm

I really liked it. Good job! 

Hey, please check out my story, Love or Drama (It's called Love or Romance but its supposed to be called Love or Drama), also the chapter where Brittney arrives in seattle and meets nikki, matt and kim is chapter 2. The chapter where they all talk about stephanie is chapter 3. TeenInk.com/fiction/romance/article/228711/Love-or-Drama-Chapter-2/.


on Mar. 11 2010 at 8:16 pm
Randomm1995 SILVER, Peoria, Arizona
5 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
True love burns the brightest. But the brightest flames leave the deepest scars.

haha That's a great story! I can see a hidden message in there. I dont know if you meant it to be there, but there is one. Great work, muy much descriptive. Keep it up!

on Dec. 26 2009 at 5:28 pm
Adrenalinejunkie52 SILVER, Sweet Home, Oregon
5 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
geez louise!
Hot Dang!!
Wasshupp?!!? (wuh-shup)
Hey You!

That was a nice story.

woot woot said...
on Nov. 20 2008 at 1:50 pm
verynice i also listen to the music you chaps listen to but i also like other music. verynice writting

on Nov. 5 2008 at 9:50 pm
I really liked it! This has happened to me SOOO many times! lol. I like Coldplay and Maroon 5, too. You must have great taste in music. lol. :) I look forward to see what else you write. You style is casual, yet well written. Keep writing!


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