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Blissfully Unaware This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. The freshly fallen snow gave way under my feet. My new, bright red boots tackled the snow almost as effectively as a plow. The only sounds were the monotone of my steps and my breathing. The winter air was crisp and there was ice along the roads.

Crunch.

Oh, great. Now my sweater was starting to move around. Off came the book bag. Off came the jacket, scarf, and third layer. Amidst the random pieces of clothing on the ground, I tried to adjust my too-large sweater, which had twisted so that the front was in the back and the back was making its way to the front. I finally got everything back on the right way and hoped to regain the warmth lost in the process.

Realizing I was only halfway home, I took out my trusty MP3 player to listen to my temporary friends: Blue October, Coldplay, and Maroon 5. When I looked up again I spotted a group of kids staring at a boy who was lying on his back on the sidewalk.

Oh, geez, I have to pass these people. I bet they pushed that kid down. If I walk fast enough, maybe they won’t bother me, I thought.

As I got closer, the group laughed as the boy picked himself up, and they ran across the street. The kid turned back to me and shouted, “Oh! Be careful there – it’s ice!”

In the short time it took me to hear and process what he had said, I had already trekked past the point of doom. I had stepped down onto what could have been an ice rink.

I stumbled idiotically for my balance, clinging to nearby bushes. But despite my desperate attempt to stay upright, I began falling. At first it was only a lean backward, but the weight of my book bag assured my lack of recovery.

I looked left and right to see if anyone was around. I knew how funny I looked and I could even picture the weird face I had made as I hit. I would have laughed at myself if it hadn’t hurt so much. So I picked myself up, re-adjusted things, and tried to hide the pain in my butt as I walked on.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.






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MaybeImCrazyButIThinkILoveYouThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 3, 2012 at 8:22 am
I laughed so hard! I love it! :D
 
PaperIdeas said...
Jul. 30, 2011 at 3:56 pm
I like the simplicity of the story, and the voice you used to write it....
 
alexlbright0 said...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 1:23 pm
I loved this story because i can relate to the embarassing situation, unfortunately for me there were people present and they got quite a kick out of it. Enjoyed the story
 
WhiteShadows said...
Oct. 17, 2010 at 5:27 pm

Pretty good, but I have a few suggestions.

First, NEVER start a story with onomonopeias (words that describe sound, if you didn't know. Such as 'zap' or 'crunch'. It's isn't the best way to start a story.

Second, there wasn't much of a climax. You built up a good rising action, and your readers expected a really good dramatic climax. Instead, all we got was a short summary of you falling. I think you should have made your climax a little more climatic.

I do like the endin... (more »)

 
Identity said...
Oct. 14, 2010 at 3:53 pm
You shouldn't ask people to look at your work. Because underneath this article we are suppose to tell the author our opinions. Although you have done that you should not tell people to go rate and feedback on your work. Since this is the authors space...
 
TuffGurl replied...
Oct. 17, 2010 at 8:16 am
I think it's fine. It's actually a compliment, because if you ask for them to read your work and rate and comment, it means that you want them to because you loved their pieces and think that their opinion counts. And have you ever asked writers to rate and comment on your pieces? Probably when you were starting out. So don't be quick to judge.
 
bieberl0ve15 replied...
Apr. 11, 2011 at 8:04 pm
I agree with tuffgirl! I would take it as a compliment. I see what you mean Identity, but it's a great way to get noticed by an author who you respect.
 
DeadPeopleKinndaGrl said...
Aug. 4, 2010 at 12:20 pm
This is a great story. Plzzzzzzzzzzz everyone give me some feedback and ratings on my work!! Thanx (:
 
Macx14 said...
Jul. 21, 2010 at 6:03 am
The writing is very easygoing, but still very articulate and thoughtful. Great job!
 
teen_queen said...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 2:36 pm

I really liked it. Good job! 

Hey, please check out my story, Love or Drama (It's called Love or Romance but its supposed to be called Love or Drama), also the chapter where Brittney arrives in seattle and meets nikki, matt and kim is chapter 2. The chapter where they all talk about stephanie is chapter 3. TeenInk.com/fiction/romance/article/228711/Love-or-Drama-Chapter-2/.

 
Randomm1995 said...
Mar. 11, 2010 at 8:16 pm
haha That's a great story! I can see a hidden message in there. I dont know if you meant it to be there, but there is one. Great work, muy much descriptive. Keep it up!
 
SmileySunnyD This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 26, 2009 at 5:28 pm
That was a nice story.
 
woot woot said...
Nov. 20, 2008 at 1:50 pm
verynice i also listen to the music you chaps listen to but i also like other music. verynice writting
 
aubrey_the_author said...
Nov. 5, 2008 at 9:50 pm
I really liked it! This has happened to me SOOO many times! lol. I like Coldplay and Maroon 5, too. You must have great taste in music. lol. :) I look forward to see what else you write. You style is casual, yet well written. Keep writing!
 
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