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I have come to the conclusion that every writer possesses a reason to write. There is no hard or fast rule that says what it might be. For many, however, the reason is tragic. No good writer writes on a whim. Not all know it, but they have a reason.
I always thought I wrote because it was fun. I thought creating these different realities and people was exciting, empowering. I didn't realize I had a reason to write other than it being a passion. Yet, I did.
I was always biased towards fiction. Poetry was nice too and I wrote songs every so often as well. Nonfiction, however, was the bane of my existence.
I kept telling myself it was because I hated reading nonfiction. I tried to write it once or twice when I was younger, but I felt I had nothing to say. It felt too restricting. I liked space. I still do.
About a year ago, I wrote what I believe to be my first successful nonfiction piece. I called it Mentality. It had two parts and both were about how my epilepsy affected my mentality. It was better than most of my fiction pieces and I'd written the entire thing in the span of four days. I didn't quite understand how this was possible.
Later that same summer, I went to a camp as a fiction student. I wrote another nonfiction piece in preparation for different camp. It was about my grandmother and it was also amazingly good compared to my fiction.
I still didn't understand. The next camp didn't create any epiphanies. It took me until these past few weeks to realize what made my nonfiction so good.
I had to make up emotion for fiction. All of my nonfiction had my true emotion and was described while reliving that feeling. It wasn't that I had nothing new to say. The same could be said for fiction. It was how I said it.
My reason was finally revealed to me. I had so much hurt and pain holding me back. I needed a place to put it. I needed to admit that it was in my head and that I needed to let it go. I needed a way to burn my fears and soften my memories. My reason for writing is selfish, but I think every writer's true reason is. I needed a way to bring people in.
Every good writer has a reason. For some, it may be to escape. For others, it's therapy. Whatever the reason is, it's there. One just has to look for it because, in the end, every piece of writing has nonfiction in it.
Every writer takes whatever sharp object is available and cuts open her heart. The writer sprinkles her bloody soul upon the paper and lets it sink in. Nonfiction requires a bigger cut, an open battle scar. Nonfiction is bloodier and scarier. It hits too close to home but the writer continues to write it anyway.
I know now my reason is to cut open every battle scar and fatal wound until new skin forms over them. My reason is to keep bleeding until there are no scars left-- just memories left on paper.