The Irish in her blood has been enforced since she was born, told that the blood of the Irish before her outweighs any other blood in her. She has always been taught to remember what her ancestors had to sacrifice for her to live in a free country. Because of all she’s been told, she has a dream of going to Ireland to discover more of her roots. Her family has always told her stories of her great-great-great grandfather coming to the new world all alone and built an amazing life all alone. She feels like a letdown because she has an easier life than him. She has never had to live true Irish culture and traditions, but the stories she has heard of the rolling green hills of Ireland make her want to go there and experience it herself. She is motivated by love. The thought of finding someone she can spending the rest of her life caring for, and knows she herself will be loved and cared for. The prospect of finding someone who makes her laugh and can cheer her up during the darkest days push her to go on. She wants to feel the warmth that is true love makes her smile when she needs one. She wants to believe that there is someone out there who is willing to spend the rest of their lives with her. Her greatest fear is being alone forever. She fears that she will lose everyone she cares for and will be left with no one in this huge world. She gained this fear at a young age, when the people she loved most started to leave her. Weather it was by death or they made the choice to leave; she always felt that she did something to make them leave. She never understood it wasn’t her fault, and because of this, she has always strived to make every one like her so that they never want to leave her. The pale white of her skin stands stark against the green landscape of her home. She sticks out like a cardinal in a field of crows. The freckles that would go unnoticed on others are clearly defended against her skin. Her thin lips in a constant line of quite, rarely moving to let out the words she’s so despite to speak. The pale pink that lies on the skin of those quite lips rarely draw attention. Her 5’5 frame is nothing to be impressed with, an average height for an average girl. Her weight is a constant battle to her. At 118lbs. she feels less than stellar in her skin. She has always been told that the extra width will help shape her to be a woman, but she loses confidence every day. It shows on her body how weak she is. The muscle less arms, large thighs and stomach prove to those around her how easy she is to take on. Her hair a normal brown, plain, ordinary. But her eyes, oh her eyes! The show of who she really is can be seen in those wonderful eyes. The constantly shifting colors, one minute a beautiful navy blue, the next as green as the sea, and then as grey as the afternoon thunderstorms she so enjoys. They show the swirling thoughts of curiosity and wonder that goes on in her thoughts. If you could climb into this young girl’s head you would be both amazed and scared. If you could see her personality as a place you would see rolling hills and forests and sunlight, but also storms brewing in the distance. On the outside, she appears distant, cut off. Only the people closets to her truly see her. They see the girl who wants to run and dance and release her energy, while others see a girl who keeps to herself and isn’t a fan of the outside world. If you truly know her you know she is damaged from things that happened years before, but still finds reasons to smile and go on. The shyness is only a barrier, because if she were to release her inner self, she would most likely get in to trouble for her brash attitude and harsh thoughts of the events surrounding her life. In her thoughts she is very self-spoken, but her fear of being alone prevents her from speaking her mind, in fear that others won’t agree and will leave her. She rarely shows emotion so people can’t feed off of her pain or sadness and hurt her any more than they already have. She just tends to act like things don’t affect her, but she never truly forgets and might dwell on something for days by herself without letting anyone know.
September 19, 2013