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So I’m the new kid at my high school this year. And in the last five minutes I have introduced myself a total of 32 times. I’m thinking of handing out a flyer: “Hi, my name’s Elizabeth. I’m from Cohasset and I am a junior. Yes, I am excited to be at Salem High School. Yes I am also nervous”. But that’s not very interesting. I’ve got to capture their attention. Maybe if I spiced it up a bit. Add a nice hook… Put on the front of the envelope in blinking lights “will you be my friend?”. Inside, “Hey, the name’s Elizabeth, you can call me Abethica. I’m from a lovely beach town that no one’s heard of. If you look further in the envelope you will find the map I’ve enclosed. I am going to be a junior. I’m thinking of getting a letterman jacket for my SAT prep group. I am jumping with joy to begin my journey at Salem High School. Although I will admit that the thought of introducing myself sends me into a fit of nail biting nerves. I got over it after 32 introductions. I am now calm, cool, and collected, and ready to mingle. If you continue to look inside the envelope, you will see the friendship bracelet I have enclosed, along with a wallet sized school photo of me from last year. Sincerely, your new friend, Elizabeth”. Sound good? Maybe I could sell them. I know I’d buy it.

Or, maybe I could just get a tattoo. Right across my forehead: “This property belongs to a new girl named Elizabeth. Who is lonely and looking for a friend in her new town”. On the palm of my hand, I’ll tattoo: “hold if you want to be my friend”. Don’t worry it won’t be a permanent tattoo. I’ll just keep it on long enough to get over the hurdle. It’ll be 99.9 percent washable I swear.

Or, maybe I could hire a robot to recite my introduction for me. Is that possible? I could carry it around with me. Stick it on a leash. I’ll wear a shirt with an arrow saying “talk to that guy”.

Or, maybe I’ll hire a puppy…people like puppies.

Maybe a giraffe, that’ll make me stand out.

Maybe I could hire all the people I’ve met so far and have them carry me around on their shoulders.

Maybe I’ll just not answer. They’ll figure it out eventually.

Maybe I’ll just answer them like a normal person, suck it up, and know I won’t be new forever. I’ll save the giraffe for my come back tour.

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