Damn Affections

July 21, 2013
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So, I have a problem. I like someone. More than I should. And it's not physical, it's emotional. And that makes it so much worse. I need to be focussed on my studies, as if I'm not distracted enough by the relationships of convenience that too easily become friendships. I used to be able to distance myself from 'feelings'. Flip a switch. Ignore them completely. But they were negative emotions. These aren't.

There was a moment. A few. At first I wanted them to mean something. Now I think I'm blowing it out of proportion. I hope, anyway. And to make it so much worse he's one of those people who everyone likes. And no one admits it because we all know if he wanted one of us he'd just say. He's nice, genuine, open. Everything I'm not.

And why do I care? I need to stop. Control. Stamina. Me. It's the damn dreams that cause me such havoc. When I rock up each day and Mark says, 'you look tired…', well, yes, I am. And here lies the real issue. It's affecting my sleep, therefore my focus, therefore my grades. So why can't I shut if off? Where has my switch gone?

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