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The Longest Walk

So Mariah... how does it feel to be completely alone?

Well...let me tell you a story. I went to an event. Did I want to go? No. But naturally, I had small hopes that I would go there, and SOMEONE would talk to me. Anyone. I go there, and I sit... alone. I watch people I know walk by me laughing to their friends, and they either look at me like they never known me in their life, or they wish they didn't. Either way, they know me. I know it, they know it. But they all turn their heads, they all feel no guilt or shame in turning their heads away from me.

After a while of the neglective abuse from the people I've gone to school with my whole life, I walk. I walk out of my chair, I leave the event, I walk down the street. I walk all by myself. I see a guy, handsome. Hopeful for a smile, a gaze. Hopeful he won't turn his face away, I smile. He turns his head...I'm alone again. As I walk, I wonder.

I wonder what's wrong with me. I wonder why my family and my only true friends can stand to look into my eyes and not turn away. I wonder why this world is repelled from me. I'm not too ugly... I'm not a model. I guess you could say I'm "average"... I guess you could say I'm nothing... nothing but alone.

Everyone at The Event had a friend. At least one, one friend they laughed with and had by their side, but as I walk towards my home in the dimming light, I look to my right and left, and no one is there.

There's no laughter, no love, no friend. Just me, myself, and I. I walk and walk some more, my heart drops with each step my feet take, I feel sullen and gloomy. I look to the cars, I look at the drivers, we meet a gaze and they look away. Why? Why am I different?

Is it my faith in the Lord that repels this world? Is it my face? My eyes? Ever since I was a small child, the children ran from me, their faces would fall as they looked at me, their small child mouths would twist in disgust. Why me...

How does it feel to be alone.. how does it feel to never have a friend. To see the fireworks light in the sky, hear people in awe, and I sit alone and only see a dark sky above me. How does that feel...

After a while, it feels like nothing. No tears, no pain. It's life I tell myself. It'll pass I've always said. But perhaps, it won't...

How does it feel to be alone?

It feels like the longest... hardest walk that any person will ever take.



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