My mind raced and I couldn’t think straight. The engine rumbled angrily and I screamed as I twisted the key in the ignition trying to pull it out. I was breathing heavily, it wasn’t working. I turned off the stereo and let my hands rummaged past the air bags looking for my cell phone. What was I suppose to do? How was I suppose to react? Dry sobs escaped my throat and I couldn’t figure out where the tears were. I undid the seat belt and – hazards! I needed to put on my hazard. My high beams had switched on and I turned them off in the process. I could see the other woman in her SUV in front of me. Her hands ran through her hair, it was so blonde and bright in comparison to everything else. I grabbed my phone off the floor next to my foot and – breathing! I couldn’t breathe and the air filled with a white powder that burnt my nose. I swung the door open and gasped for air as I hit the redial to call my dad.

“Dad. I was in an accident. She pulled out in front of me. I couldn’t stop in time. My car it isn’t working. I don’t know what to do. The air bags went off. What do I do? My car is totaled. Daddy.” I gasped out thoughts as they came to me and tried to breathe.

“Where are you? Calm down.” His voice was reassuring and I took a deep breath. I looked around and realized I had no idea. I drove this road everyday and I couldn’t tell him where it was.

“I’m by Sheetz. Uhm… near the light that leads to the new road they just opened” I stumbled over my words even though they came out quickly in a panic.

“You’re on South Street, at the ramp to 70.” A woman yelled out of her window at me. “Are you okay?” She had two children in her car. They were both young, no older than 13. I nodded and repeated what she told me. “Have you called the cops?” I shook my head no and looked down at my feet which dangled out the car door, barely grazing the groud.

“Call your mom, she’s closer. Take pictures. Call the police. Calm down.” I nodded even though I couldn’t see him and hung up. Quickly, I called my mom and rambled off my location to her as well trying to explain briefly what had happened.

“Yes, I’m calling to report an accident.” I stopped mid-sentence and looked next to me at the woman who had given me directions. I hadn’t even realized she’d stayed. Her car was pulled off in the shoulder just past the scene and her hazards flashed. Both children sat waiting in the car. I felt my body shake more with inaudible sighs of appreciation.

Soon the cops arrived and their lights were flashing. My nose hurt and I shaking all over. I couldn’t get my legs to move past the edge of my seat, but I knew I needed to get out. I had to see if the other woman was okay. I had to get pictures of my car. I had to do something other than sit here and shake like a beaten puppy. “Are you okay? Do you need paramedics?” I shook my head, and may have whispered that I was fine, as I stared wide-eyed at the cop who approached me. “May I have your license and registration?” I nodded and swung my body back into the car.

It was a mess with papers strewn everywhere. My backpack rested hidden behind the passenger air bag on the floor. I pulled it up and fished out my wallet. I retrieve my license and my insurance card for the police officer. I tugged on the door to my glove compartment, but it wouldn’t budge.
On shaky legs, I got out of the car. The police officer came over to me. “I can’t open my glove box to get my registration. I can keep trying if you want, but it might be stuck. Is she okay?” I gestured to the other car.

“That’s fine, and yes she is.” He assured me. “Do you have a parent coming?”

“Mommy’s here. It’s okay, baby. Mommy’s here.” Before I could answer, my mom was running across the road to me and pulled me into a hug. “Oh thank God, you’re okay.” She whispered against my ear. I felt my body shake again, and my legs felt weak under my body. I wanted to sit down – collapse right there in the road and cry; no tears came to me though and instead I was stuck with a jaded expression staring ahead with a thousand yard gaze.

“Call dad and let him know what’s happening. I’m going to take pictures.” I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel anything. I walked around the car to the passenger side and shuddered at the sight of my car. I snapped a few pictures, trying to make sure they were focused and not blurry.

Suddenly, the SUV rumbled loudly. I screamed and ducked my head before feeling my mother’s arms once more wrap around me. She was stroking my hair trying to calm me down. It’s okay. It was just the car. Nothing’s wrong. You’re okay. You’re safe. You’re safe.


You’re safe.


In jeans and a t-shirt the world felt a lot different. Pulling the coat around my body, I felt unsure of how to feel. It had been so long since I couldn’t drive myself and here I was sitting in my boyfriend’s car as he drove me to the lot where my precious broken car was towed away to.

I stared out the window, with my hand gripping the door. Every car was suddenly a threat to my safety. I didn’t know where we were and it made me nervous. I had no way of knowing that I was safe. We pulled into the towing lot and I sighed before getting out of the car.

We walked into the small building. “Hi, my car was towed here last night. I couldn’t get the key out of the ignition and I need my house keys off the ring.” I said softly under the eyes of the many people behind the counter.

“Which car?” The woman asked looking up at me.

“It’s a ’97 dark green Saturn.” I said softly and she nodded before shuffling through some paper.

“Can I see your license and insurance card?” I nodded and passed them to her. She took the information she needed and instructed one of the men standing behind her to take me back to my car.

When I got back there, I lost my breath again. The man got out of the driver’s seat, having gone ahead of me to get my keys, and handed me my key ring. It was one short of the set I’d had. “The key won’t come out of the ignition. So I just took it off the ring. You can take anything from the car, just can’t take the plates.”

“I don’t think I could get that plate off even if I tried.” I whispered looking at the bumper which sat the crushed hood of my car. The front license plate sat wrinkled beyond recognition and the numbers on it where bent out of shape.

“Nah, I’m sure you could if you tried.” The man grumbled before walking off.

I got in the car and took out my CDs, my papers, my change, my extra shoes, and all of my things. I sat in the seat and stared for a moment at air bags. My car was ruined. I swung my legs out and handed all my stuff to my boyfriend and asked him to take it back to his car. He complied and I was left there staring at the box that was my car.

I popped the trunk to make sure I had everything and felt tears swell in my eyes. From behind it looked fine. But then, I went around front. The driver side fender had been popped back into place, but the passenger one was nowhere in sight. The hood was crushed and pushed up towards the window. The cord for the passenger headlight was left dangling in place without any trace of the light it had once been attached to.

I bit my lips and placed my hand gingerly on the roof of the car. “I’ll miss you, Junebug.” I whispered softly – using the silly name I’d given the vehicle when I had first received it as a 17th birthday gift – before stepping away and heading back to my boyfriend’s vehicle. It was totaled. I could tell just by looking at it that I was never going to see it again. I sat back down in his passenger seat as we drove home and stared out the window with tears streaming down my face. My car may not have been the most attractive, but it was mine. It had my name on the title. It was mine. It was my baby, my first car.

Everyone’s told me that I should be happy that I walked away without a scratch. Everyone’s told me that I should’ve been hurt. Looking at my car that, sitting in that lot, surrounded my broken and damaged cars I’ve never felt more fragile. I should’ve ended up in a hospital with all the damage that my car went through, but I didn’t. Everyone’s told me that you can replace a car, but not a life. Everyone’s told me that they’re so thankful because I’m alive. Everyone’s told me that I must have had a guardian angel watching over me. And truthfully, I believe them.