There are a lot of things people don’t know. Just because I am young, I should be happy. Just because I am young, I can’t be stressed out because I don’t have anything to be stressed out about. People think they know me because I am young, but in reality they don’t know the first thing that goes on inside my head. So this is me putting it all out there. I fight with myself first off. I go through life not knowing if I am good enough for anything. I don’t know where I belong and where I’m going. So yes I fight with myself with that. I’m saying to myself out loud that I am good enough to do anything, but then there is that voice inside my head telling me that I’m not working hard enough and I’m not doing all that I need to and I’m not going to amount to anything. For me it is a constant struggle to keep my head where it needs to be. Yes there are times where I fall off and it is hard for me to pull myself back up, but I do it because I have to. I try to work on it and I try to tell that voice in my head to shut up but it won’t. I struggle with the fact that I am different. I know I’m different and I’m okay with that, but in a way I’m not. I’m not okay with it because it’s hard to fins exception because of who I am and the things I like. I love reading and rock music. I love dancing and watching sappy soppy romance movies. I love writing and giving people hope and love. Giving people things they never thought they could have. I have a different kind of love . Being in elementary and middle school, people didn’t understand who I was. I was told I was weird, a freak, stupid, worthless, and for a minute I was believing them. I started to try and change myself. It made me crazy. I was suffering from a craziness I never told anyone about. How do I be comfortable with who I am if I can’t get people to see me for me. It sucked and it still sucks but I fight it. The last thing I struggle with and this is something big, is making myself happy. I’m the type of person who is a family person. I always have to make my mom and the rest of my family proud of me. I have to say the right things, listen to the right type of music, like the right people, have the right friends, and just be how they want me to be. If I wasn’t doing the right thing then that is when I came in with the self- defeating. I stopped trying to be who I wanted to be to be how they want me to be, and I was miserable. I had to be the person everyone envisioned,and I couldn’t take it. There are a lot of things I still struggle with. And they are things I have been struggling with for a really long time. Through my life I have figured out the kind of person that I am and the people I need to surround myself with. I figured out things I want to do in life and places where I want to go. At the end of the day everyone is different and people have their own minds. You don’t always no people’s struggles and what goes on in their world. Before you judge and start talking about people, get to know them on a friendly level and ask them what they struggle with. It will help them more than you know. I only ask one thing for all of you. If there is something you struggle with and you need someone to talk to I will be here! I know most of you don’t know me, but I am a genuine person who cares and puts others before myself. I will stop whatever I am doing to talk to whoever needs talking to. Just have a little faith that whatever you struggle with, we will get through together.
What Goes On In My Mind
March 29, 2013