Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

Change

Custom User Avatar
More by this author
Before anyone thinks I'm talking about politics, let me explain. I am here to senslesly rant about people, not the governement. I think there are at least one or two people in everyone's life that want them to change. Maybe they're mean, maybe they're trying to be helpful. Maybe they're just joking around. But it hurts, a jest or a cut. When someone tells us to cahnge we think, Why? What's wrong with who i am? I know that that thought has gone through my head more times than i can count.

Sometimes someone needs a change. Some people are mean, not because they want to be, they might not even know it. Sometimes some simple coaching can help straighten that out. Other times someone is naturally reclusive, and a friend might help to change their isolating habits to make them feel more involved. Maybe people just need a change of friends or scenery. These can all be good changes if taken and treated the right way.

But then people try to change someone's persoanlity, or an integral part of who they are. They might take that naturally brusque person and, instead of suggesting to tone down the acidic comments, tell them to simply never talk. Someone might look at that recluse and laugh at him, telling him to quit being stupid and to get out. That usually leads to hanging out with the wrong crowd to avoid that ridicule. Someone might not like the movement of the person who just needs a breathe of fresh air, and they might exlcude him.

Then people always want to change insecurities. They think they can help, but at our age, those insucurities can't be fixed by our peers. They're a lot like a crutch, and our solution is always just to kick it out from under our feet, instead of first strengthening their legs. People have always told one of my friends, his girlfriends included, to stop being so needy. He wasn't trying to be, but all his life he needed someone to lean on emotionally. What would have helped was if they had worked on his independance gradually for two or three weeks. But girls our age are incapable of investing that much time and effort, so they all left.

Another friend of mine couldn't do anything involving physical contact. Not even in a relationship, he just couldn't touch people, it terrified him due to past experiences. A few people's solutions were to laugh, others were to mob him, his respective dates always left because he couldn't fufuill them. The person that finally cured him of his fear started small, a quick hug a day, and gradually worked up to holding hands and the arm around the shoulder all day. That didn't happen untill he was 27 though, thanks to society.

I myself have, for years, always had to be wearing a jacket. I've had to ignore the temperature and embrace queries and ridicule for three years ot keep my arms covered. Why? I hate my arms, and they've always been the recievers of absue, whether external or self inflicted. Most people's idea is to laugh, one person tried to gradually get them off, then they left. I've stuck with them because their a part of who i am

Change can be good, if done right. But when people ask others to change because they don't have the time to deal with them, or they don't like them, or something about them is strange, it helps nothing. If we would all stopw itht he instant, dramatic cahanges and try to gradually build up our own self confidence, a lot of our lives we be much inproved. But again, that would require time and effort, something none of us have.



Post a Comment

Be the first to comment on this article!

Site Feedback