Little Manipulators This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

March 8, 2013
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Younger siblings, listen up! Being the baby of the family has its perks. Among them: getting out of doing chores because we are too little and too cute, getting the last piece of any desirable food, and convincing our parents to buy us things since we are too helpless to earn with our money. The finest perk of all for me, though, is annoying my older sister.

The first step to annoying Julia is knowing her weak spots. To find our siblings' weak spots, we must first figure out what our siblings value most. In Julia's case, she treasures two items: her cell phone and her boyfriend. Malevolent baby sister that I am, I schemed a way to poke both of her brown eyes with one finger.

I perform this trick by waiting for Julia to take a shower. Take note, fellow manipulators; bath time is the only time when the elder sibling will detach themselves from their phone. It's safe to proceed with your plan when you hear singing. This is when I creep on cat's feet into her room to text the Beloved Boyfriend on the Forbidden Phone. All in all, finding our siblings' weak spots is a critical step in the annoying process.

Then we must move on to the next phase of the sibling annoying process, which involves serious detective work. Here we must investigate all the bad deeds we would like to perform; the possibilities are endless! For example, I relish “borrowing” Julia's shoes to play outside in the mud because I know I will not have to bother to take them off when I come back in. The muddy footprints will be traced to my big sis.

While our elder sibling is cleaning up the mess, we can plot the next crime. One of the most efficient is the “slap across the face trace evidence tactic.” For this, we must be willing to endure a little pain for the gain. We must slap ourselves across the face, run crying to our sympathetic parents, and let the forensic evidence point to the unsuspecting “perpetrator.” Though there are many other crimes a sibling can commit, these are two of my favorites.

Another way I like to “play” with my sis is by starting pointless fights. Younger siblings, be aware that for this annoyance method to take full effect, we must insist that we are right no matter what. A shoplifting spree in my older sister's closet is one of my most effective pointless argument tactics.

Here's how it works. I casually enter her closet, take one of her shirts, put it on, and walk out as if nothing is wrong. Usually Julia notices that I have taken a liking to her shirt, and a completely useless argument starts. During this, the younger sibling must innocently act as if our older sibling's shirt accidentally appeared in our own closet. When the argument escalates, we must immediately locate the nearest parent so we can innocently explain the circumstances.

Other pointless arguments include who deserves the front seat, who is the favorite child, who got the most Christmas presents, etc. With so many options, starting pointless arguments with a sibling is a very useful tool.

In closing, fellow little manipulators, being the youngest in the family means that we can commit all the heinous crimes we want because we are younger, cuter, and more “helpless.” We must take advantage of these traits so that all of our crimes will not be pinned on us, but on our older siblings!

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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MarieAntoinette2012 said...
Mar. 16, 2013 at 4:54 pm
Yay!!! I've got some ideas.....
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