The Peel MAG

March 7, 2013
By Elizabeth_Day SILVER, Battle Ground, Washington
Elizabeth_Day SILVER, Battle Ground, Washington
9 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Bananas are an all-or-nothing fruit; you either love them or hate them. For those in the banana-­appreciating party, it's well known that the proper technique of peeling the fruit is crucial to its enjoyment.

For the past few years, I have been harassed for my method of eating a banana. However, after a lifetime of analysis, consideration, experimentation, and observation, I have concluded that the traditional peeling method is ideal for banana consumption.

Upon breaking a banana from a bunch, the holder notices a wonderfully convenient feature of the fruit. At the top of the banana is its stem, which serves as the ideal peeling device. Can opener is to can as stem is to banana. The fruit enthusiast need only grasp it and pull out and down to effectively peel the fruit.

The very fact that we call the top of the banana “the top of the banana” verifies that the banana should be peeled and subsequently eaten in this manner: top-down. At this point, some of you may be asking, “Is there any other way to peel a banana?” I regret to inform you that there are indeed those who forgo the tried-and-true peeling method in favor of another: bottom-up.

Bottom-up banana eaters first flip the banana over, holding the peeling device in their non-dominant hands, and then proceed to tear off the bottom of the fruit. However, upon peeling the fruit from the bottom, they encounter every banana-lover's enemy – the grizzle, otherwise know as banana crap.

When peeled correctly, one need only lay eyes on the banana crap for a moment after the banana has been consumed. The top-down eater can promptly discard the peel and its offensive tail end in one motion.

If, however, the banana is peeled from the bottom, the first thing the eater encounters is the detestable grizzle. And throughout the entire banana experience, one must stare at the grizzle. Why would one eat a banana in this fashion? The typical bottom-up banana peeler likely would respond, “That's how monkeys peel a banana.”

Yes, monkeys do peel bananas from the bottom. They also eat bugs from each other's fur. They are also monkeys.

How do you peel?



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This article has 4 comments.


on Oct. 21 2014 at 8:23 am
Ray--yo PLATINUM, Kathmandu, Other
43 articles 2 photos 581 comments

Favorite Quote:
God Makes No Mistakes. (Gaga?)
"I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right." -Liesel Meminger via Markus Zusac, "The Book Thief"

This is amazing- your article- and the fact that it may be metaphorical- and also the fact that some people have found it 'sad' and 'scary'. A great piece indeed.

lkk4209 BRONZE said...
on Oct. 19 2014 at 10:39 pm
lkk4209 BRONZE, Somewhere, Massachusetts
4 articles 0 photos 56 comments

Favorite Quote:
"April Fool's Day is for amateurs. You never need an excuse to mess with people's heads."

"I may be lying in the gutter, but I'm staring up at the stars, honey."

As a bottom-up banana eater, I applaud this article.

on Oct. 17 2014 at 11:30 am
littlepiepschuim PLATINUM, Las Vegas, Nevada
22 articles 2 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
“You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.”
― Ray Bradbury
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
― Maya Angelou
“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”
― Ernest Hemingway

A great peice, I generally don't read about bananas for entertainment, but this changed my mind x3

on Apr. 4 2013 at 8:27 pm
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York, New York
38 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light" --Dylan Thomas

Fun! Kinda groovy! Lol good job


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