The Peel This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

March 7, 2013
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Bananas are an all-or-nothing fruit; you either love them or hate them. For those in the banana-­appreciating party, it's well known that the proper technique of peeling the fruit is crucial to its enjoyment.

For the past few years, I have been harassed for my method of eating a banana. However, after a lifetime of analysis, consideration, experimentation, and observation, I have concluded that the traditional peeling method is ideal for banana consumption.

Upon breaking a banana from a bunch, the holder notices a wonderfully convenient feature of the fruit. At the top of the banana is its stem, which serves as the ideal peeling device. Can opener is to can as stem is to banana. The fruit enthusiast need only grasp it and pull out and down to effectively peel the fruit.

The very fact that we call the top of the banana “the top of the banana” verifies that the banana should be peeled and subsequently eaten in this manner: top-down. At this point, some of you may be asking, “Is there any other way to peel a banana?” I regret to inform you that there are indeed those who forgo the tried-and-true peeling method in favor of another: bottom-up.

Bottom-up banana eaters first flip the banana over, holding the peeling device in their non-dominant hands, and then proceed to tear off the bottom of the fruit. However, upon peeling the fruit from the bottom, they encounter every banana-lover's enemy – the grizzle, otherwise know as banana crap.

When peeled correctly, one need only lay eyes on the banana crap for a moment after the banana has been consumed. The top-down eater can promptly discard the peel and its offensive tail end in one motion.

If, however, the banana is peeled from the bottom, the first thing the eater encounters is the detestable grizzle. And throughout the entire banana experience, one must stare at the grizzle. Why would one eat a banana in this fashion? The typical bottom-up banana peeler likely would respond, “That's how monkeys peel a banana.”

Yes, monkeys do peel bananas from the bottom. They also eat bugs from each other's fur. They are also monkeys.

How do you peel?

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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Ray--yoThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 21, 2014 at 8:23 am
This is amazing- your article- and the fact that it may be metaphorical- and also the fact that some people have found it 'sad' and 'scary'. A great piece indeed.
lkk4209 said...
Oct. 19, 2014 at 10:39 pm
As a bottom-up banana eater, I applaud this article.
IndigoAngel said...
Oct. 17, 2014 at 11:30 am
A great peice, I generally don't read about bananas for entertainment, but this changed my mind x3
Laugh-it-Out This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:27 pm
Fun! Kinda groovy! Lol good job
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