My Worst Fear

February 20, 2013
I am terrified of a lot of things but something scares me worse than anything else. In a way, it is not as deadly as murderers, natural disasters, or freak accidents and in another way, it is even more deadly. Some people may laugh but deep down they feel it too.

My fear manifests itself as a nightmare. In this horrible dream, I am floating in space. It is dark and cold and I shiver in my futuristic spacesuit. I see distant stars but they are just tiny specks in the black universe, unreachable and unremarkable. I don’t have a spaceship; I just drift along peacefully.

But I am not alone. A group of people are floating nearby. They hold hands so none of Them drift away from the rest. They are wearing better, more sophisticated spacesuits and They laugh loudly. They are warm and happy. They enjoy every moment of Their lives and I can perceive the bond of friendship between Them.

I see Them smiling and try to swim towards Them but I end up drifting away. I shout out, screaming for help but They don’t hear. The distance increases between us and I beg Them to notice me. I kick and struggle, frantically trying to reach Them but I just end up farther away. I wish desperately for just one of Them to notice me, but They don’t. They never do.

Why can’t They see me struggling? How can They be so oblivious to it? I just want one person to turn, and see me. Just one person to reach out and help me. I am starving for someone who is like me and understands what I am going through.

They don’t notice and I drift away. I become so distant from Them that I lose all hope of being helped. They disappear into a tiny dot at the far reaches of space and I cry.

I am completely alone.

That is my worst fear. My nightmare is terrifying but it is not realistic. There is no Them and Me—there is only Us.

They were an impossible concept. No one is ever happy all the time or gets along with everyone. That crippling depression of loneliness is universal to all of us at one point in our lives. Everyone is familiar with that deadly malady that eats upon the soul. We all get the feeling that nobody understands us, and in a way, that means we all understand each other.

We are drifting through our lives, lost and afraid like I was in space. The only way we can overcome that misery of isolation is to connect to each other. It may not seem like we have anything in common with each other, but everyone relies on friendship.

I have discovered that when I feel lonely, the best thing I could do is reach out to someone else.

I can’t expect Them to notice me struggling if I don’t notice them.

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