Note: The following is strictly theoretical and is not based on a current student or member of the Memphis Jewish community.

A look into the mind of a closeted homosexual in the 21st century...

“I walk down the hallways every day and hear things that nobody should hear. I hear hate. I hear discrimination. I hear ignorant people throwing slurs around when they don’t know how much it hurts. The pain doesn’t end when the clock hits 5:25. I log onto the internet to enjoy a funny video on YouTube. Instead, I find a series of comments that call the characters in the videos gay, fags, or homos.

I have to conform to society to ensure my secret is kept. I have to walk about treating women like nothing more than sex objects. I have to act interested when my friends talk about masculine things. I’ve grown paranoid. I’ve grown to think that if I don’t overcompensate for the masculinity I lack, then I will be unmasked and ridiculed. I fear becoming an outcast for being who I really am.

I live every day in fear. I fear that somebody will find out who I really am. I fear that I will actually have to be me for once in my life. I wish they knew that this isn’t a choice.”

It has become the norm in our school to call trivial things gay. If someone considers you a little bit different, you’re automatically tagged as a fag. If sports isn’t your things, then you must like men, right? As outrageous as this sounds, as much as you don’t want to believe it, it’s true. Our school has long had such ignorant discrimination. Nobody has thought about there being a possibility of having a gay student in the school. Nobody has considered that, even if there are no homosexuals in the school, using the word gay in a derogatory manner may still offend people.

Nine states in America allow same-sex marriage. Three states legalized the practice in 2012 alone. The LGBT community is just as strong and passionate as ever. Despite this progress in the acceptance of homosexuality in America, countless lives have been lost because people, just like me and you, have been too afraid to come out as what they truly are. Research has proven that homosexuality is not a choice, and I’m of the opinion that it’s not a curse either.

Homosexuality in the Orthodox Jewish world is a rising debate. Should it be accepted? Is the concept of being interested in someone of the same sex okay so long as the person doesn’t act on his interests? It’s uncertain whether or not these core questions will be definitively answered in the near future. Most of us common folk don’t necessarily hold the power to impact Modern Orthodoxy’s view on homosexuality, but we do hold the power to change how those around us feel about it. We have the power to open eyes and inspire others to think before they speak. We have the power to end the casual usage of the word gay as a negative thing.

I’m jolly. I’m joyful. I’m eccentric. I’m gay. There was a time when all of these words were synonyms. There was a time when being gay wasn’t an uncomfortable thing, it didn’t mean you like people of the same sex. There was a time when being called gay was a compliment. You may not know this because in the 1890’s, this correct usage of the word gay was replaced by what we now know as gay.

I’m a nerd. I’m weird. I’m different. I’m gay. We now live in a time where these words are synonyms. We now live in a time, in a community, where the word gay is most commonly used as an insult. When you call someone gay, it’s uncomfortable because it has evolved to mean liking someone of the same sex. You all know this because this has become the correct usage of the word gay.

Being a homosexual isn’t a decision. Homosexuality forces millions to live in fear of being ostracized. Homosexuality forces people to become who they are not. Homosexuality forces many to live their lives in misery because they are too fearful to publicly be who they are. Being a homosexual in the 21st century is difficult, but being an Orthodox Jewish homosexual in the 21st century is damn near impossible.

I used to call my friends gay. I used to call the people I didn’t like fags. I used to be ignorant. As time passed, as America became more accepting, as the the Jewish community remained uncomfortable with it, I began to realize that using the word gay in a negative way isn't helping anybody be who they truly are. The misery of living in a closet will never end if society continues to associate homosexuality with negativity. Nobody will want to be who they truly are if who they are doesn’t come with a sense of pride.

It sounds silly, but words like stupid, idiot, moron, they all need to make a comeback. All of these words are negative words, but they don’t carry as much hatred as the words gay and fag do nowadays. These words don’t insult the nine million gay members of American society. To ensure a community of acceptance, to create an environment of openness, we must stop being ignorant. We must start thinking before we throw insults around. We must realize that something we say can slowly kill someone that cares.

I have a dream that one day a student at our school will come out and be accepted. He will come to school the day after coming out and things will be just the way they were before. Right now, this dream is far fetched, but I only hope that one day we can reach that kind of level of acceptance. I have a dream that one day we put an end to this mindless discrimination.