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The Drive to Wisdom

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“It’s always like that. You always can’t come with us.”

“Why are you like that? It’s only once.”

“Don’t you want to have a life?”

These were some of the reactions I face every day. At first, I blamed my family for having to hear words like that. I thought it was all about their strict guidance, how they brought me up. You see, I was one of those who were always dependent on parents. I always base my decisions on how they will think. Would Mom and Dad approve? Won’t I be scolded? That was how my brain goes up until now. I’ve had friends, but they never lasted long. They always seem to be bothered by the fact that I have a curfew to follow, parents to update with every move I make, and a sensitive conscience. I can’t decide on even simple things without the opinion of my parents. Because of it, I was left alone on one corner reading books, unnoticed by people, because I was too dependent to even have a little fun with friends. Opportunities came and went for me, but I chose to ignore them. My sense of dependence grew. I didn’t only care what my parents would think, but also what other people would think of me. I didn’t join contests, even those where teachers specifically chose me, because I kept thinking that someone would want to have the opportunity and I couldn’t stand in their way. That was the life I led. I was degrading myself for not having to live up to others’ standards. My friends would laugh at me for even trying. I felt like a nobody.

By the end of my senior year in high school, change chose to train me little by little about life. My English teacher had noticed my potential in writing and had given me the opportunity of participating in an Essay contest. My Mom found out and told me that I should participate. I did, and won third place. For the first time, I felt confident and I felt happy to ignore someone’s – who wanted to participate – feelings. Opportunities tried to make its way to me again and I accepted it one by one – being one of the Top in the Thesis Defense, having to write articles for TeenInk, participating in the Intramurals by playing Soccer and even managed to score a goal for the team, and passing entrance exams for College that I thought I wouldn’t pass. It constantly made me feel the happiness of having to achieve something.

When I started College, I was back from scratch. I didn’t take opportunities because I was too focused on my studies. I consulted my family, my friends, and other people who were always with me about what I should do next. I was too careful and too scared to have my focus waver. But looking back, it made me realize that I can do anything. As my Dad always tells me, “God wouldn’t give you something you can’t handle.” An opportunity to represent the class for our College’s sports fest came, and I really wanted to join. I drew up all my guts and asked our class president if I could participate by playing Soccer. She said yes and I was automatically part of the representatives of our class. There was also an opportunity I decided to take but started to lose heart to fulfil till the end – my program, Architecture. I wasn’t really into the art of designing; I was more into the art of writing. I understand words more than appearance. I was seeking for my passion, of never ending written reports than never ending drawings of houses. Adding to my losing heart for it was how clueless I am to the area of study of my program and how pressured and stressed I was because I find it hard. But looking back again to my father’s words, I found my strength and motivation back. There were just so many things I wanted, and I’ve decided to take them one by one.

These things sealed in boxes I never would have opened if not for those who thought I was a nobody, for those who thought of me as someone to make fun of just because I try to live an obedient and proper way of life, and of course, for those who kept pushing me to the road of rightness. I would never have found sense in life. Now I know that I made the right choice from the very start, I just have to not overlook opportunities and to not lose heart, because wisdom makes true happiness.



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