My TESTimony

October 2, 2012
By , Portland, TX
I was in love with him. First I must tell you at my old school the amount of kids in my graduating class was 27, and that was big. There were 17 girls, so obviously you were either friends with them or you were left out. I had the nicest house of all the kids, by a lot and no I'm not being conceited. I was in the "in" crowd, but I was always bigger (muscular wise) than the other girls, so when the kids would play princess and prince at recess, I was a prince... :( Anyways, we moved down here and I went to Ingleside the first semester of my 5th grade year and I hated it. I actually had to try to make friends for the first time in my life. Plus, I was in the dumb classes and a lot of the girls were mean. I cried myself to sleep every night. Then my mom switched us to GP the second semester. It was okayish, I guess. In seventh grade, in band I saw Richi... <3 and I fell for him instantly. I don't know why tho, he isn't an Abercrombie model or a younger version of Billy Graham. I turned EXTREMELY stalkerish and left love notes in his locker. When he'd go in the red band hall I'd stop playing just to look at him. It's silly, I know. But I loved him and he ignored me. I also dropped 15 pounds in the first semester trying to get his attention. Anyways, somehow (I don't remember how) I got his number in March, so I text him "Hey, this is Braden." I feel the need to tell you I never talked to him before, so he was probably freaked out. So while I was at Chili's one Sunday after church, my mom doesn't like us to use our cell phones at the table, so I went to the restroom to read the text from him... which I was hoping was a declaration of love. he text me "Stop u should just kill urself and do us all the favor." So I stayed in the bathroom crying my eyes out. I later told my mom it was something in my eye (she bought it). Don't say anything about that. He probably didn't mean it like that, but that's how I took it. I was so in love with him that I agreed and wanted his happiness. I was suicidal for months and I had countless late text with Mariah, basically her talking me out of killing myself. I attempted it many times, but it never worked. BTW: taking half a bottle of advil won't kill you, it just makes you feel worse. In the Summer, Baylee (a sohpomore now) Facebook introduced me to Chris. When I found out he had an older brother (Joseph) that was in Richi's grade, it boosted my hope, even though I was still suicidal. Then I found out they were close friends. So Chris tried hooking me up with Richi... obviously that didn't work. I told Chris ALL my problems (they were almost all about Richi). I felt a little better knowing that a guy cared, not necessarily as a boyfriend, but as a friend. Then eighth grade year, Chris... well you know what happened. I blamed myself. I thought he did it because all of my problems plus his own were to much to handle. At the funeral, I was crying so hard I almost passed out and I saw Richi with his dad. I cleared my eyes enough to see him shake his head and walk away. About 8 months later his sister Facebook IMed me asking about how good a movie was I posted a status about. After a while she decided to attempt hooking my up with her brother... that didn't work. Freshman year I dated a drug dealer trying to get his attention (it didn't). Then by the Summer of my Sophomore year I haven't seen him, so I got over him. I rarely saw him Sophomore year so I was okay. This year... well it's interesting. The first day of Humanities he sat right behind me... I moved seats the next day. I told Randall to pick him for Extemp so he wouldn't get his feelings hurt if he was picked last.





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