Painful Frenemies

October 2, 2012
By michellemejia95 SILVER, San Pedro Sula, Other
michellemejia95 SILVER, San Pedro Sula, Other
5 articles 2 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
As long as you can dream it, you can do it.

Everyday do something that scares you.

When looking at magazines, posters, TV shows and our own interactions with other people, we can only make one conclusion: society can be very sick. Society's influence is as poisonous as a rattlesnake's venom that slowly penetrates the human immune system, taking over one's life only instants later. Just take a minute and think on how a woman's image is extremely distorted because of those sad photoshops showing stick thin models who starve themselves to death because of the monsters they have as their bosses, who claim to know the real concept of "beauty". As girls continuously keep looking at these "role models", their hearts yearn to resemble that of the photoshopped image and they're willing to do whatever to reach their dream body goal. Sad truth, but that is how our girls are being constantly tormented worldwide trying to look like Barbies when in reality they don't see how much prettier they look with thicker legs, big butt, hips, and other curvy features that in reality make them look way more attractive from most men's point of view.
Since society's influence is so prominent, our ladies get completely fooled by this messages it sends, therefore they feel the pressure to improve their image. What they don't realize is that they are not only damaging their body, they are damaging their souls in a horrible way that can be compared as being trapped in a dark, deep hole with no escape. You may wonder if one day you will be able to get out from there. Sometimes you may think you are trapped in there forever with no one to take you out from the darkness and that every call of help you make will never be answered.
I've known that feeling, and trust me, I prefer to get bitten by a shark than to feel that voice in my head consuming me slowly. There were days where depression took over me and all I desired with all of my heart was to get very ill, end up in a hospital by myself with no food around me so I could starve to death, suffer. When this desires popped in my head I asked to myself, "What is wrong with you? Why would you want that? Why are you so stupid? Why did you let yourself turn into this? Wouldn't it be better if you just died and stopped this suffering?". That voice in my head was a total b**** with me constantly.
Feelings of uncertainty aroused on me when the bingeing dominated me as easy like a child being bribed with candies. Complete supremacy over my body. I thought there was no turning back. I was now a slave to my eating disorders. It was then when I hit rock bottom, falling into this neverending vicious cycle I became a hostage of.
"Michelle, you have lost so much weight! You look too skinny." Oh, how much I adored to hear those words. I reminisce how much I loved when my nutritionist slightly scolded me for being underweight. Feeling so successful, as if I just won the Nobel Prize for something big. Let me further enlighten you on what I considered as something triumphant. Consuming from 60 to 100 calories a day, working out for an hour or more with an empty stomach, feeling cold and wearing thick sweaters under the radiant sun, blacking out for a few seconds, losing my hair, and noticing bruises appearing on my skin from malnutrition made me the most effervescent person ever. If I didn't feel this symptoms, I claimed myself as a complete failure. The iced lattes became my loyal companions since they tricked my body into believing it was full and satisfied. Practically, I just ate a small portion of fruits or a latte before my workout routine, leaving my stomach empty throughout the rest of the day. Due to that situation, there were days where I woke up, checked if my thigh gap was wider, and when I started walking towards the bathroom, my sugar levels and blood pressure dropped and I started shaking because of the lack of nutrients. Tears zig-zaged down my cheeks when the hunger pains were so severe, yet I was still satisfied by them since this watery fluids were a sign of weightloss for me. This tormenting quagmire became worst as the days passed, meeting up with another accomplice.
Dreadful stomach pains woke me up constantly, inciting me on rushing to the bathroom at the speed of the Roadrunner after being chased by the Coyote from so much discomfort. The receptors located in my body detected this environmental stimulis, recalling it was the effects of the laxatives I took earlier that day. This is concerning me more everyday since my daily intake is constantly rising into a higher number. When am I going to learn? Pretty much a stubborn young lady. I don't even want to imagine how damaged my stomach and digestive system is after 6 years of eating disorderly such as starving, self-induced purging, abusing on laxatives, and over-excercising. I'm thorougly aware of it and it results so perturbing to me. Impossible to swallow the truth on how much barriers I've crossed with this m*****f***ing disorders. When are they going to leave me alone? Ana left, yet Mia seems to enjoy being a fiend with me.
Despite knowing something is pretty harmful and can even deprive us of existence, we take it for granted, manipulated by this evil-addictive posions we choose. Nonetheless, I'm resolved to win this battle no matter how long it's going to take. Please reckon my decisive words you'll read in this precise moment : I will recover. Strengthening my soul and determinatiom, I will withdrawal on laxatives. I'm done with it. I know I have the potential to do so. I keep climbing up the hole. You could say I'm halfway out of it and every time I fall, I learn from my mistake and this makes me stronger. I take bigger steps, everytime closer to the exit of the hole where you can see the light, avoiding the path that made me fall down and beating up the obstacles in my way.
The day where you start loving yourself will come, and that is where you're going to make your best effort to stop hurting yourself. It's an extremely tough battle between your body and mind that you can certainly win. Pray to Jehovah God everyday, pouring your trust in Him. He shall extend His hand to get you out of your calamity. Hope is essential since you will never, EVER give up once you have it. Love the body that God gave you. Be grateful that unlike other people, you have both legs, both arms, good health, etc. Focus on more important stuff. Involve yourself in things you love to do like traveling, making use of your businesshead, playing sports, going to the beach, hanging out with friends, among others. Would you like to be remembered as the girl with no brains? Hey, smart turns out to be way more essential than having a skinny body. Remember that the people that truly love you only care about your interior, not exterior.

I strongly desire with all of my heart to offer help and support to the people who are trapped in the grip of eating disorders, whereas I've been in their shoes on having to fight alone against such cruel enemies. At first they can pretend to be your friends, offering you a fake solution on how to lose weight. Just like a store seller that keeps on advertising their products in order for you to buy them until you finally go for it. As the days pass you'll realize how much damage they cause you, stabbing you in the back, laughing on how they can make a fool out of you. Guard against these painful frenemies called Ana and Mia, who coerce us to the brink of the steep mountain that leads to self destruction in the long run.

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