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The wall had become quite familiar in the two hours I had spent staring at it.
I could feel the tension in my legs, my back, from being curled up for so long. And yet, I didn't care enough to get up.
The waves of memories were still crashing into me, one after another. I felt pathetic, naive, like I was unbelievably immature. Closing my eyes, I shook my head. It seemed like it could somehow help clear my mind.
But knowing the torture wouldn't just go away at this point, I sighed and decided to let the moments come back to me.
I was swept away in a whirlwind, feeling a sharp sting in my chest as I let go.
We were sitting in McDonald's the day after we made it official. He had just finished a game, and my heart was pounding like a drum. I would glance up at him every once in a while, wondering what he was thinking. His mom laughed next to me, asking if he smelled bad. I loved the way he blushed.
I felt my hands clench into fists as the first memory faded, seeming to watch it blow away. The tears started to come as I stubbornly shoved them away.
We were sitting by the Christmas tree at Grandma and Grandpa's. I listened to the clock ticking, and felt so incredibly content. Slowly tilting my head, I felt the butterflies leaping in my stomach as I rested on his shoulder. He stiffened, and glanced down at me. Sighing, I pulled away, feeling the first pang of rejection.
Warm, salty tears were leaking out of my tightly shut eyes. I was so weak.
Sitting on the love seat together, I whispered in his ear. Yes, I'd had boyfriends before. What did we do? I blushed, thinking about how little we had had in common. Well, we held hands... I grinned cheekily, feeling his pulse rise at such an open dare. Looking down, he nudged his incredibly rough hand against my thumb... And suddenly we were connected.
I WAS CRYING...
He traced the path of my tears, silently wiping them away. It was pitch black all around us, with only the distant porch light as our chaperone. I was torn in two, not knowing what I wanted in life. As I tried to speak, he leaned down and crushed our lips with my first kiss.
I could hear myself moaning quietly, remembering all the promises he had whispered. The flowers and candies that never truly mattered. Simple games, to him.
Our hands swung as we walked down the road. I missed you I whispered. He missed me too. The sun was shining through the marshmallow clouds, and I could feel the warmth all the way to my toes. Closing my eyes for a moment, I was suddenly swung into his arms and held like a bride. He pressed a firm kiss against my lips as I laughed in delight. I was safe with him.
Standing outside, I looked up at the moon. I have a confession to make I said. He glanced at me, and I tried hard to keep a straight face. I'm in love with the moon, I'm afraid... He smiled softly and wrapped his arms around me. I knew that already. It's the one thing that reminds me of you, no matter where I'm at or what I'm doing."
My body tossed and turned on its own accord- I was lost in the dreams of the past.
We sat on the tree branch, his arms around me. Looking out across the water, we spoke quietly of anything and everything. I asked him if he truly loved me, and he sat quietly for a moment. My heart dropped, and I felt a deep cold inside...
AND SUDDENLY I WAS OUT OF BREATH...
I was sobbing, screaming into the phone. I felt his coldness, the way he had no emotion. "I'm sorry." His voice said. But his heart and his head were disconnected somewhere down the line, and I felt my love plummeting into the abyss...