Daily Thoughts

September 21, 2012
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I don’t know what to write about so I’m Just going to start writing. Okay, where do I start. I just like I’m going down hill. Everyday its something new, it’s like maf***ers don’t wanna see me happy. If I’m happy leave me be. I can’t stop myself from crying. I feel like I became weak since I came to the county. They steady stressing me. If you see I don’t wanna talk them let me be. Sometimes I think back, and think like ain’t nobody really was here for me. I want my own s***. House, job, and money. When I was younger and my back was against the way, I wanted a baby. As I grew I realized that, that wasn't me, but those feelings are coming back. I know that It’s not right, I just want to love somebody and treat them right and know that they won’t betray me. My own flesh and blood. I just got so much anger, thoughts and emotions built up. Oh snaps these french fries is sabroso. I been in my feelings lately gee. I really don’t know why. People stressing me and I hate it. They tell me to do what makes me happy but as soon as I do it..... . I him told a million times I don’t care what they got to say, Im in a relationship with you not them. Deep down i know that it’s coming to an end, but I hope we can leave on a good note. I’m watching Lion King now. Still a little lost for words, but I’ll get over it. It might take a while, but I always do. I’m ready to GRAD!!!! , so I can be on my own. They say it’s a lot of responsibilities but who knows I just might become something. Moms always told I wasn’t gone be s*** in life but hey. My dad on the other hand. Heard rumors about him, and I believed them. S*** he ain’t been through half the s*** my bird been through. They say I don’t have respect for others, but do they have respect for me? Hey, It’s that time of the day I start thinking about stuff and today I’m thinking about grandma. We had many memories both good and bad. I remember when I was little, this was when uno had just came out. It was me, my brothers, her, and my mom. She thought my brother was cheating so she crused him out, you all were cracking up on the floor. Another memory was when we all went to this halloween party, my cousins throw for the kids. We went to go get my grandma and my mom gave me a whooping because of something I can’t really remember but she was the only one who could cheer me up. I know that I’m jumping around with this but, I haven’t been the same since my grandma passed, It’s like I don’t know what I want. I remember it like it was yesterday, from what I had on, who I was with. It was May Day 2009, everything was going good. I was with my cousins and my cousins cousin. We had just left downtown. We were walking, talking and laugh. It was the longest walk I every been on. Like a few minutes before we got to fairground park,. I thought my grandma was so strong, s*** she made it this far. She had been through so many surgeries it’s crazy. I got that call. At first I thought it was a joke, but nope.


“Indea, Your Grandma Died.”

“Whatchu mean you dead?”, I asked through the phone.

After a few seconds after I asked I just hung up the phone. I called my grandma’s phone and it was true she was gone, and the worst thing about it was my mother was out of town on her way back, on the highway and I told then don’t call her, but they did anyway. I miss that lady so much. I finally know the meaning of “you don’t know what you have until its gone.

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