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Never More Disappointed

It was just your average Monday. The night before I was staying with one of my best friends, Summer. And that day we went to the Lake and the Mall. Well, it was about 5 or 6 and at the time I was talking to my boy-friend, Dale. We had just a regular conversation and those little “I love you more fights” like we always use to do. Then just a few hours later at 9 o’clock, I had a missed call from someone. It was Justin. I didn’t think anything about it so I was going to finish what I was doing. But, then I got a text message saying “hey, call me when you can. I want to talk to you about something.” So, 10 minutes or so later I called him back. And this was our phone conversation…

Dale: “hello”

Me: “hey, what did you need to talk to me about? Is everything okay?”

Dale: “No, Not really. It’s about us and our relationship.”
(My heart just dropped. It was going 154.9 times a second. )

Me: “What do mean our relationship, Dale?”

Dale: “I think we should just be friends for a while and break up.”
( I didn’t have anything to say. I was in shock. I couldn’t even think straight. )

Me: “but why? Just two days ago when we hang out, everything seemed fine and then you do this?”

Dale: “I’m sorry, Ann. I just think it’s for best for the both of us right now. With us going to different schools, and me working part of 2nd and 3rd shift. I would never get to talk to you or see you.”

Me: “but I don’t care. I would wait hours to talk to you just for 10 minutes at a time, and I wait days or weeks at a time to see you. I just want to be with you.”

Dale: “I know you would. But it’s not forever. Just give me some time to think about everything.” “oh and also never forget that I still Love you more than anything.”

Me: “okay, whatever. But just know that I won’t wait forever this time, like I did the other couple of times I did.”
(Crying my eyes out as I tried talking to him. I couldn’t do it anymore. )

Dale: “I know. I know.”

Me: “Well, I got to go. I’ll talk to you some other time.”

Dale: “Alright. But I really do still love you.”

Me: “I don’t feel like it.”

Dale: “I do. I promise.”

Me: “If you say so. Well bye.”

Dale: “by...”

And I hung up the phone before he could even finish saying “bye”. I didn’t know to think. Everything we done and been through were just going through my head all at once. And, thinking about it made me sick. I couldn’t believe it this time. It was actually over. The year and about 10 months together seemed like nothing right then and there. I was crying so hard and so much I could barely breathe and talk.
Then, that night, I couldn’t sleep at all. Memories flash in my mind like lightening. So, bright and fast. Things that all you want to do is forget about it. But, you can’t because you really don’t want to forget all the things you’ve been through.

Now, it’s been about a month and a half since that day. And looking back at everything, I’m wondering if it was all worth it. Worth the pain, tears, sleepless nights, and all that heartache. The worst part is that now, we go to the same school. He transferred about the 2 week. Just when about wasn’t thinking about it all the time, didn’t all that. So, every single day during the week, I see him. It just makes everything 20x worse. But, the weirdest part is that he stills talks to me every day. He’ll call me and text me with smiley faces. And he knows it kills me.
I try almost everything not to talk to him because I die inside every time. I just wish he would go on somewhere and leave me alone. Then there’s the side of me where I still want to be with him, and never let go. Just the way he looks at me, I feel like melting every time. And, the way he hugs me. I just can’t take it anymore. Because one day he will be the nicest person in the world to me, then the next we won’t even talk.

I’m so disappointed in him, because he told that he would never do that. But everybody lies right? And everybody breaks promises now days. I just wish I could understand this better than what I do.



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