The quote: Do not dwell in the past; do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. –Buddha

This quote touches me in a way that I can’t explain. When I read it I paused and realized that I do exactly what the quote says no to do. I always look back on my past and just eat myself up inside for things I have said, people that I’ve hurt, and things that I have done. In reality you know that you aren’t perfect and you are going to make mistakes, but instead of letting the mistake go you always seem to hold on it. I am that type of person that makes one little mistake and then keep looking back into the past at that one mistake and saying “Man I wish I hadn’t done that.” Then you come back to the present realizing there is nothing you can do to change the past, because the past is and will always be the past.

I have made one major mistake in my life that I wish I could go back and erase it, but I know that if anything it has made us closer than we were before. I don’t remember what we were fighting about, but I still remember those three words that I said to my mother even to this very day… I hate you. Once I said them there was no taking them back, and I just sat there looking at my mother’s face growing angry and showing hurt in her eyes. She just looked at me with tears streaming down her face and her mouth open but no words coming out. She got up and left my room, and just like that I was left alone in my room and the only things there to keep me company were those words still floating around me and the guilt building up inside getting ready to boil over at any second.

That night my mom came into my room and sat down beside me. She looked at me and asked me if I really meant what I said hearing the hurt in her voice as she said this. Tears streaming down both of our faces, my lips quivering and barely able to get the words out I opened my mouth slightly and was able to get out the word I was trying so hard to say…no. She then hugged me and squeezed tight and just let the tears stream down. We both sat there crying and hugging each other tight almost like we didn’t want to let go. Once we finished crying and had no more tears to cry we wiped our faces dry and just sat there silent as a mouse. Then she returned back to the sweet and loving mother I knew acting as if nothing happened and speaking kindly to me she said “dinner is ready, so c’mon let’s eat”, but before she left the room she turned back to look at me and said “I love you.”

I kept those words near and dear to my heart. I have decided to not live in the past but in the present. I have finally done something I’ve been trying so hard to do…find my inner self. I have finally let my past go into the darkness and not let it keep me from ever reaching the light. I know if I held on to it any longer instead of finding myself amongst all this I would have lost myself in the darkness where there is never any light to show you the way out. Now that I have let go and decided to rise from the ashes and find my inner being, because of that I have become a much wiser person than I was before. So take my advice and don’t live in the past or the future live in the present day because one day the present might not be there to lead you out of the darkness and into the light.