My Journey through Anorexia

September 14, 2012
By Anonymous

For as long as I can remember, there was never a time when I looked in the mirror and didn't almost start crying hysterically. Statistically, I was never over-weight, but in my book, I was obese. I've had a lot of health issues as a child involving stomach problems, which caused to me to grow and lose weight. So I got used to losing weight, it was just expected…until one day I gained. And I continued to gain, until finally, I had enough.

By eating no more than 600 calories a day and burning off most of that by exercising secretly, I managed to lose 20 pounds in two months. In the beginning of March, I was 112 pounds and 5'4. By the end of April, I was at a dangerous 92 pounds.

I found something I was good at, losing weight. And by that time, I couldn't stop. I didn't care that I passed out on a daily basis, or that my blood pressure was extremely low, or that I was freezing cold and weak in 90 degree whether. As long as I was losing weight, I was happy. I would throw away mostly all of my food and exercise whenever I was by myself or when I got a chance.
One night my soccer coach called my mom and told her that I looked really weak and thin and that he didn't want me to play because I got so tired easily. Well, that made my mom catch on to me.

One night my mom took me to the hospital because I wouldn't eat, where they diagnosed me with Anorexia. There was no point in denying it anymore, everyone, including myself, knew that if I didn't get help, there is a good chance I could have died very soon.
We went to many doctors, and every time my weight was lower until finally I got sent away to a treatment center.

I was there for five weeks straight, where I gained 12 pounds. It's been four months and I've gained three more pounds since then. It is not easy at all, to step on the scale and see the number higher than I want it to be, but I'm becoming more okay with it. Even though there are still times where I throw away my food, I've improved so much and have physically and mentally become so much stronger.

I still continue to go to therapy weekly, which helps, because you can't do it on your own. Having an eating disorder makes things extremely difficult, but not impossible. Because I refuse to be another eating disorder death statistic.

The author's comments:
i will not give up.

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