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Out of My Control
Two holiday celebrations. Two birthday parties. Two sets of parents. Two houses.
Having divorced parents, I have had to deal with all of this almost my whole life.
Although most kids would think having double the presents and double the parties
would be great, I would take one of everything to have my parents together.
The year was 1998 and I was just three years old. I vaguely remember my
parents having my brother, sister, and I sit down one night at the dinning room table
telling us that dad would no longer be living with us. As a three year old I did not quite
understand what was going on so it didn’t have as much of an impact on me at the time
as it did on my older brother and sister. They were much more curious than I was at the
time, asking my parents multiple questions.
From that point on, every Wednesday and every other weekend we would pack a
small suitcase and spend those nights with my dad. Our time that we spend with my
dad is very limited, but we always try to make the best of it.
When I was around the age of ten, I remember the divorce really starting to have
an effect on me. I would lay in bed at night and cry. As crazy as it sounds, I would pray
that somehow my parents would just get married again. I wanted so desperately to have
control over the situation. As I grew older, I started realizing that I have to accept things
the way they are because there is nothing I can do to change them.
There have been many times throughout these last fourteen years that I have felt
guilty about who I choose to spend my time with. I remember when I was younger and
we would go to my older brother and sister’s games, and even something as simple as
trying to decide who I should sit with at those sporting events really got to me. I felt if I
would choose my mom, my dad would be hurt and if I decided to go sit with my dad,
my mom would be upset. My big sister, Meg has helped me out tremendously with this
telling me that neither my mom or dad care or get offended, they just want us to do what
is easier for us and what makes us happy. Despite the fact that I felt pressure even from
the tiniest of incidents, I am extremely lucky that my parents actually get along. In the
end they both just want the best for us.
Even though the divorce was and still is a very difficult situation for me to handle,
I have learned to look at the positive effects that have come from it. The best thing that
has happened because of it is my little sister Amanda. Without the divorce taking place
and my mom marrying my step-dad Jerry, Amanda would not be here. I honestly can’t
imagine my life without her. Amanda isn’t the only blessing that came from this incident,
I also have a step-mom and dad, two step siblings, and much more extended family that
I am very grateful for.
Divorce is not something easy for kids to cope with. However, I have learned
over the years that as much as I hope for it, or wish things to be different, there is
absolutely nothing I can do about it. I have realized that I must deal with it because it is
completely out of my control.