Out of My Control

By
Two holiday celebrations. Two birthday parties. Two sets of parents. Two houses.

Having divorced parents, I have had to deal with all of this almost my whole life.

Although most kids would think having double the presents and double the parties

would be great, I would take one of everything to have my parents together.


The year was 1998 and I was just three years old. I vaguely remember my

parents having my brother, sister, and I sit down one night at the dinning room table

telling us that dad would no longer be living with us. As a three year old I did not quite

understand what was going on so it didn’t have as much of an impact on me at the time

as it did on my older brother and sister. They were much more curious than I was at the

time, asking my parents multiple questions.


From that point on, every Wednesday and every other weekend we would pack a

small suitcase and spend those nights with my dad. Our time that we spend with my

dad is very limited, but we always try to make the best of it.


When I was around the age of ten, I remember the divorce really starting to have

an effect on me. I would lay in bed at night and cry. As crazy as it sounds, I would pray

that somehow my parents would just get married again. I wanted so desperately to have

control over the situation. As I grew older, I started realizing that I have to accept things

the way they are because there is nothing I can do to change them.



There have been many times throughout these last fourteen years that I have felt

guilty about who I choose to spend my time with. I remember when I was younger and

we would go to my older brother and sister’s games, and even something as simple as

trying to decide who I should sit with at those sporting events really got to me. I felt if I

would choose my mom, my dad would be hurt and if I decided to go sit with my dad,

my mom would be upset. My big sister, Meg has helped me out tremendously with this

telling me that neither my mom or dad care or get offended, they just want us to do what

is easier for us and what makes us happy. Despite the fact that I felt pressure even from

the tiniest of incidents, I am extremely lucky that my parents actually get along. In the

end they both just want the best for us.


Even though the divorce was and still is a very difficult situation for me to handle,

I have learned to look at the positive effects that have come from it. The best thing that

has happened because of it is my little sister Amanda. Without the divorce taking place

and my mom marrying my step-dad Jerry, Amanda would not be here. I honestly can’t

imagine my life without her. Amanda isn’t the only blessing that came from this incident,

I also have a step-mom and dad, two step siblings, and much more extended family that

I am very grateful for.


Divorce is not something easy for kids to cope with. However, I have learned

over the years that as much as I hope for it, or wish things to be different, there is

absolutely nothing I can do about it. I have realized that I must deal with it because it is

completely out of my control.





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