My Life Story

August 20, 2012
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It is weird having to write about my life, as I have most of it still ahead of me. I don’t really know where to start or even where to end. A page just wouldn’t be enough. What has made this life, my life?! Any reason I can think of right now, I am sure to have heard somebody else say before. So what makes me who I am? How come there is nobody else like me, although so many so close. Every time I think that I must be the only one in this world going trough something, there are simultaneously a couple of thousand other people thinking the exact same thing. Yet I’m supposed to be special?! Honestly…I don’t think so! My problems seem uncommon, maybe, at first glance, but hasn’t the uncommon become normal nowadays? Who leads a normal life these days? What is normal? The picture with the happy family and a dog living in a beautiful house and playing jolly in the garden? To speak the truth, I don’t like dogs and if my parents were living happily together, I wouldn’t be who I am today…and where I am today. Then again I just asked the ultimate question of who I am, so why should I care if I would be any different?! Am I happy like this? Are you, dear reader? Can you honestly say that you are happy at wherever you may be right now? At that exact position? Can you mean it? Happiness is a big word. And for me it is short-lived…unfortunately. I am not happy. I think I’ve lost the childish simplicity to be simply happy. I can never be just happy, as happy is pure. It is clear of any intention…transparent. Rather than me having forgotten how to be that way, I don’t let myself. For whatever reason, or for all the reasons you can come up with. I am colorful. This world makes me question, wonder, excited and depressed. All at the same time. The way I see it, the way you see it. The way they see it. I want to know them all. I might not be able to understand, but I will accept. Tolerate…you, her, him, them, us, myself. Someday I will have gained so many shades of blue: going trough adulthood, meeting the man of my dreams, falling and keep falling deep into the pits of heartbreak. Shades of red: Tasting things I shouldn’t even know of yet, loving, him and her, and the world as it breathes human. Shades of yellow: play, smile, build relationships with strangers and let them in, let these friends come and let them go. Shades of grey: do nothing, that is anything. Shades of green: forgive him, myself, eat the one ice cream flavor I have never dared to try, love it, hate it, breathe. Shades of black: crumble and fall, break apart, scaredy-cat, pity yourself. Shades of white: calm down, watch, listen and learn, sense this and that. I am so funny I always end up writing almost a poem when I start writing. Well, I guess that’s me. That’s right! This is me. I love asking questions, the faces people make when that question has sparked something in them. I want to move people…in every direction. I want to be moved. I love red…and all the other colors. I love food, food from all over the place. Your place, my lace, their place. I want to try it all, know this world as it lives today, yesterday, tomorrow. I want to try being objective, knowing there is no way. I want to impossibly be the possible. I want to fail and be saved, by him, her, us. I want to be loved, without being understood. Goodness I want to live! Don’t you understand what life is about? Own it! The way you want it, the way you need it. I don’t get it. What do I want? What do I need? What does life want from me? Am I not just one of so many trying to break the norm, when all is limited. I know, don’t I? As you should know how I’ve only read five books of the summer assignment . As my father knows that I am hungry. As I know that I’ve gotten so tired. So very tired of it all. Still I dare to dream.
Desperately. I want to inspire.

Where you inspired?

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