July 21, 2012
By Woothang BRONZE, Essex, Other
Woothang BRONZE, Essex, Other
4 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When I grow up, I want to be a little boy" - Joseph Heller

The world's population consists of over 6 billion human beings, all of whom go about their daily routines, doing the same monotonous tasks day after day after day... And all are unaware of the menacing disease that lurks around the corner. You are all susceptible to its horrors. You can all contract it at any given time, with no sense of warning. Symptoms include: headaches, nausea, distress and anxiety - to name but a few. How can we possibly hope to fight such a horrifying ailment? How are we expected to defend ourselves from such a pandemic?

As a man trying to plant himself into the world of literature, I try to keep myself in practice by composing various different pieces of writing from time to time. They tend to come in the forms of: articles, short stories or descriptions. However, during my writing expeditions, a similar foe has always tried to obstruct my path and foil my plans - the infamous “Writer's Block”. This fatal nemesis of mine is always there. Waiting. Creeping. Conniving. Sneakily hiding itself out of view and eagerly anticipating the chance to ruin my day. Of course, when does this villainous creature decide to make its deadly move? Only when I am in the allusively rare - “writing zone”; the “Writer's Block” strikes and ravages at my brain, tearing out every last morsel of inspiration. So how can we stop this wall from blocking the travels of a writer? Is there a cure? Is there some miraculous concoction or therapy that can decimate this horrendous disease from the planet...forever? It is of utmost importance to me that I answer this question with detail and accuracy; I shall do this in the form of a satirical and (hopefully) highly entertaining anecdote. Or many anecdotes. Whatever tickles your fancy.

One must note that, in order for me to write as prolifically as possible, I must be in the aforementioned: “writing zone”. This is a sacred place; a serene Haven. It is a diverse menagerie, an aquatic whirlpool, a horticultural Eden of - words. Letters shoot up from the ground and rise like huge stems, all merging together to create magnificent, flowering words. The same way Buddhists dedicate their lives, trying to reach Nirvana, I fixate my time on “getting into the zone”. If it wasn't for the zone, you would not be reading this article right now, and that would be a disaster for us all! It is beautiful to be encapsulated by the zone and all its literary wonders, but it doesn't come without the terrifying sense of foreboding that “the writer's block” is fast approaching. Now, onwards, to find out the truth of the cure, to “writer's block”!

Wait! Do you hear that? That is the sound of a celebratory drum, gently beating with festivities. It is beating because this is a momentous occasion. It is the final curtain call where all will be revealed. Alas, there is no instant cure to overcoming the evils of the “writer's block”, but there are many suggestions on how to tackle it. As we all know, “the writer's block” feeds upon inspiration of all forms, so what better way to fend it off than feeding yourself with that very thing you need? Of course, this is never as easy as it sounds. What in the world could possibly help us to procure such a vast amount of inspiration? What awe-inducing supplements must we take, to maintain literary homeostasis? The answer: nothing. Do not fret though, my dear reader! It doesn't end there. Lift up your disappointed heads; shrink those long faces and lend me your ears, for here are the suggested solutions.

Meditation is always a favourite amongst those looking to relieve creative congestion and free the mind, and it can also be very useful. It's relaxing, it's simple and it's cost effective. Furthermore, not only does it help to completely clear the mind of stress, it also makes you feel very revitalised and refreshed after completion. Don't worry though, humming maniacally isn't essential.

Another great way to get the creative juices flowing is to partake in some form of physical activity or hobby, this way your blood will get pumping and you will wide awake, ready to get down and jiggy with composing a masterpiece.

Finally, the most basic solution is to simply take a break. Take a kit kat. (I am so very sorry for that terrible pun. It was irresistible. My condolences to the families of those who were harmed by my careless bad joke making). This may seem preposterously obvious, but it is extraordinarily effective. If you are not in a hurry, then just take the time to relax for a good half hour to an hour. Have a bath. Take a nap. Read a book. Anything that will calm you down and send the ominous “writer's block” running scared.

'The answer was inside you all along...' seems like the appropriately cheesy thing to say right now, unfortunately my voice is neither cool nor deep enough to pull this quote off. There's also the fact that this is all purely textual, no audio can be included. Apologies. However, we have finally come to the end. As Andrea Bocelli would say, 'it's time to say goodbye' (I am full of these terrible quotes today). I implore you to read all of these tips, take them into account and realise what a waste of time it was reading this article. I am sure you knew all of this stuff already and tried it all to no avail. I am sorry for my misguiding title; it's called good journalism my dear reader. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoyed this beautiful waste of time. The only other advice I can offer, concerning “the block”, is that you should never grab a sledge hammer and completely obliterate your work out of frustration like I do. It's not relaxing, it's not simple and it's certainly not cost effective.

The author's comments:
Just an advice article I wrote whilst I was bored and struggling to write a novel I was working on. It's not very formal at all, it's just supposed to be quite humorous.

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