I hide many aspects of myself. I wont make up excuses for that ,but yet be straight forward into my motives and such. I don’t want anyone in my inner sanctum of my mind, I use my words as a shield to protect my mind from infiltration. Even at the cost of my own emotional being. I have one MO keep everyone out. No matter who they are. Doesn’t matter. I tell everyone im ok when im really hurting. What is one supposed to to do? Spill my true feelings so people will know and subconsciously judge me? No I just shell up in my own mind. Make observations and nothing more. Give my opinion while following my MO with any fray, no slips, no wikileaks. This is not helpful but it follows my MO so no matter what the cost is I have to uphold the primary objective. That means seclusion, keeping myself in my own bubble. Never venturing to see what the figurative weather is. Ive missed so much even at the young age of 18 that it kills me on the inside. But as long as I uphold the original MO nothing else matters. That’s not goal driven but something more sinister. Its insanity slowly eating away at the fabric of my very being. What is love when one is following this sick MO that has followed me ever since my young adolescence. Just words. I don’t expect anyone to truly grasp the inner workings of the many thoughts that seem to go through my mind a mile a minute. But I do expect you to learn from these as I ….hopefully can. Easier said then done would be best to describe this but that’s just the doubt in mind that always seems to be evident in what I am and what I say. Doubt.I have such a bleak outlook on everything which Is just a product of my shell skepticism that is neither helpful or healthy for a young man of my age. At least I have my writing, if anything.
The Examination of MY MO
July 15, 2012