Who Am I?

Who are you? And who am I? Sometimes I don’t know who I am. But because of my years of experience in the Middle School, I believe I am starting to see a path. A path to who I am and who I can be. I would be blind to this path if my teachers, friends, and fellow students had not guided me to the way. Back to the question, who are you, or who am I? Another way of saying this is What defines you? Or me? Some of the things that define me as me are the interests I enjoy most. I love to read and sing.

In my journal entry from October 3, 2009 (first trimester of fifth grade), I wrote,

“Dear Journal,

Today Mrs. Freshwater and I were in the classroom, and I was very bored. So I asked her if there were any fun things I could do. She said I could read a book. At first I thought she was kidding, but I thought about it and decided to try it. So I asked Mrs. Freshwater if I could borrow a book, and she said sure. I looked at the book case to try and find one that looked interesting, but I couldn’t find one that looked easy. So I asked her to help me pick out a book, and she grabbed Into the Wild, by Erin Hunter. I started reading it at break, and I loved it, I couldn’t put it down. I wonder how long it will take me to read this book?”

Two years later, I cannot survive without my books. In the last school year, I read a total of over fifty-thousand pages for fun and class work. Reading has become like breathing for me. When I start a book, I am transported to a different world. Some are better than my own. Some are worse. When in these worlds, I feel the characters’ pain, joy, and affection for others in their world. I read the same truths through different eyes, the eyes of the characters in the stories. This has taught me to see actions through eyes other than my own.

For example, there are groups of students at STAB whom I am very close to and others who are more distant. When one of the more distant fellow students was treating one of my close friends badly, I asked, “Why does she treat people that way?” After, witnessing others’ actions, I can see that I can change the way I see things without having to change who I am. In other words, I can see through the mindsets my books are written in, just without the thought bubbles. This was my first step towards finding the true me.

Three years later, I wrote in my journal on January 4, 2012,

“Dear Journal,

I finished my song today. Well, I still need to write down the notes, but other than that, I am done! I am going to try and send it to Elly, since she is at the Page Program. I still can’t believe I turned three sentences into a three-minute song. I love the lyrics, especially the third verse of my song “Carolina Shore”:
Waves are rolling,
Sand is moving,
Calming me like I know you can,
Sun is setting,
Stars are rising,
Now I know who I really am.
Plus, the notes for this song are directly in the middle of my vocal comfort range. I just can’t stop singing my song; it has been stuck in my head for two weeks. I can finally call myself a singer/songwriter now!”

When I wrote my song this year, I discovered that my natural talent for singing went further than the notes coming from my mouth. I found that I could put myself into a song literally. For example, the first time I listened to Beautiful, by Christina Aguilera, I realized that, to someone, I will always be beautiful. That I can always be myself, no matter who others think I am. Through this I learned that my music is who I am. Some people write to get emotions out. Some play sports to do it. But I sing, because when I sing, I fly, and I don’t have to wear a mask. I can let my voice soar, so I feel the freedom that comes when I step outside the demands of society. But what are these demands of society? Are they physical, mental or emotional, or are they having to adapt to “social norms?” Society tries to make us perfect little copies of each other. But when I sing I am just who I am. My second step to finding me is a passion inspired by a gift given by a power greater than myself.

Middle School has taught me how to find out who I am; when you find something you really love, don’t give it up, because it’s part of who you are. I found literature and music, and I love them. And from the day I found them, I have not let go, and I never will. I am not willing to lose part of myself. And I am not willing to becoming someone other than myself. Middle School has given me the wonderful gifts of literature and music. These gifts continue to influence me daily. And for that I must say thank you —thank you for giving me myself.





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