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Genius

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Dear Genius,

I find that every day the divide between us is growing, widening, with you on one side and I on the other. And no matter how many times I try to bridge that gap, I find myself stopping just before I cross, terrified. Too fearful of the risk of falling into that black chasm between us, I have not crossed yet, no matter how strong my determination. And each day that gap widens, bringing you further and further out of my reach. And each day I tear into myself viciously, regretting so much. I know there’s still time left, but when will it be too late?

Genius, you have no idea how much I want to bridge that chasm. I want to reach for your outstretched hand and sink into your embrace. I long to have the confidence to be able to stand up and speak my ideas, my thoughts, knowing that my words are true and right. I long to lose some of the terror and adrenaline that plague me whenever I speak in front of people, whether it is four or one thousand. When I speak, I stutter and feel self-conscious. Too timid to go first, and feeling too inadequate after the smooth words of the one before me, I look down at my feet and say nothing, too ashamed and terrified.

But confidence and courage aren’t the only things I admire about you, Genius. The way the simplest of things like a budding flower or a penny on the ground mean so much to you is strange but it invokes so much inexplicable jealousy in me to live life the way you do. You know how to enjoy Monday mornings and are always up early to sing with the birds. They sang back to you every time, I remember. You always looked so alive afterwards.

I used to find these things insignificant. I never saw the point of them, and spent my time on things I deemed more useful, like books. But now I understand, and everyday I take some time to slow down my fast walk and gaze at the world. I know how beautiful a single autumn leaf is now, and I know why you liked to make yourself heard among the birds. We are always one with the world, no matter how ugly or beautiful we find it to be. And those who appreciate that fact will always be a genius.

I’ve started my journey. I’ve taken the first step. It’s all up to me to finish it now. Along the way I’ll find my confidence and courage, but still take the time to rejoice in life. The simplest of things are no longer so simple. And when I finally reach you, I will be a Genius as well. Then you’ll go on to greater things, and I’ll be ready to stand in your place and reach out to the next one struggling to cross, just like all the other Geniuses before us.


Sincerely Yours,
Zhe



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