When I was twelve, I was a tomboy with man-muscles. I was also a head taller than everyone else in my class, including the boys, and so, I felt pretty conspicuous.
What boy is ever going to like me? I thought. I loom over them like a freak giraffe.
And so, I became a bully.
To cover my own insecurities, I started pointing out everyone else’s.
“You’re not cool enough to hang out with us. You’re too slow. Go away,” I said, wagging my finger at them and giving them my sassiest look.
They crumpled into tears and slunk away as my friends snickered. I felt empowered, but later, as I sat next to them in class and saw them hunched over in misery, I felt as lonely as they did. In fact, I felt worse, for I was the one who caused everyone’s. I was a hurricane with no heart.
But bullying was my drug, and so, the next day, I crushed someone else’s heart to mend my own. Of course, my moment of victory lasted for only a butterfly’s breath, and so the next day, I did it again. Even though my heart railed against my mind, I concluded it was better to be cool than nice.
But then, Ursula appeared—a voluptuous Egyptian with large lazy eyes and a tiny waist that kidnapped every boy’s attention.
There was no way I was going to be friends with Ursula.
Charmed by her looks and biting wit, six of my friends defected to the Ursula camp, leaving me four friends strong. The biggest betrayal was the defection of my best friend Kristy, but I still felt like I could weather the storm.
Weeks passed, and I started to miss my pack. I decided to become friends with the classmates I had formerly tormented. I was just my real self with them, and it felt good.
I don’t think Ursula appreciated my joy. I was walking down the stairs from homeroom one day when I felt a waterfall gush down on my head. I looked up to see Ursula’s Cheshire cat grin and Kristy’s apologetic look, followed by the echo of their laughs.
I cried as I ran.
The worst part about it was Kristy’s betrayal. All of a sudden, I realized what I had done all those years, and I resolved never to do it again.
So, for all of you out there who are bullied, put the bullies in your shoes. Pour some water over their heads.