Incy Wincy Spider

May 30, 2012
Before the summer of 2001, I would compare myself to the Incredible Hulk, The Flash, Wonder Women and all other invincible characters that the media puts forth. But, just like how Superman has his kryptonite I have my weakness too. I saw its colossal, twisted, thin legs griped onto the wall, it had a peanut shaped abdomen and tiny hairs surrounded its body which gave it an eerie aroma, there it was sitting, staring at me, my very own kryptonite, a spider. It is unusual to feel that this small creature has such a tight grip on my actions, even the mere sight of it makes me cringe. In western societies as many as 55% of females have experienced Arachnophobia, the fear of spiders, and although this number makes me feel less deserted it does not begin to explain the anxiety paired with this fear. Spiders have effected me physically, emotionally and mentally making me realize how this fear has taken such a giant toll on my life.

As daring as I might seem in person, every spider I have encountered in my life has triumphed over me with its eight enormous legs. One particular situation was the worst which made it the most rememberable, it took place at school right in the middle of last period. I was flushed out of energy and I had my eyes on the teacher hoping he would go away so I could distract my friend out of doing work as well. I nudged her as soon as he left and when she turned towards me she looked so traumatized. I followed the path of her eyes which lead to my shoulder and I spotted a brown blur, I jumped up trying to get the spider off of me. What I did next, my friends would describe looked similar to a frantic African rain dance. I looked up and saw my entire table laughing and I suddenly felt like a fly caught in a web, my strength and ego stripped right off. Physically, I’ve always been in control of my actions, but as soon as a spider comes near me I become a primitive specie fleeing for my life. It is degrading and daunting to know that there is something out there that can make even the most greatest feel out of place and wild.

Conversely, simply thinking about a spider certainly doesn’t make me feel wild, but more tensed and overwhelmed. When picturing a spider in my head or hearing someone say the word, it’s as if someone caught my tongue, squeezed my bulging muscles, and soaked me in a bucket of terror. The most recent incident where I’ve looked like a deer caught in the headlights, happened just a few days ago. My brother and I always pull pranks one other, the scarier the better, and my brother being my archnemesis knew what I was terrified of. For the whole day whenever I teased, bothered, or annoyed him, he would say the magic word, “Spider!”, and everything would stop. I would freeze and hold my breath because I was just that scared. Every time he said the word it got me, I was never able to move past it. That experience alone was so agonizing that I became aware of how vulnerable I feel when even picturing a spider with my eyes closed.

However it is in the dream state, when my eyes are closed, my unconscious freed and my body comfortably positioned, where this fear becomes the most angriest. When I’m dreaming multiple scenarios are put into my head, some of them made me so horrified all I remember was being scared rather than the actual dream itself! Others, were so confusing and twisted that remembering it made my hairs stick up, giving me goose bumps. In Marvel’s classic Spiderman movies, Peter Parker got bit by a spider, to be honest getting bitten and gaining powers is one of the last things I would dream about. My dreams always had some demonized, possessed, ring to it that always troubled me when I woke up. When I was in the fifth grade, I had this dream I would never forget. I was cleaning out my garage and I walked down the driveway with a box that weighed a hundred pounds. When I placed it down it had no label on it, making me instantly wonder what was inside, after all it was so heavy. I carefully lifted a flap and out sprung a spider, and then another, and another, until there were so many they began to pour out like water overflowing in a bathtub. I ran and crawled back, but I was too late one spider the size of blimp had clenched on to my legs, it pinned me down and stared at me. That’s when I woke up, panting, still feeling it’s fuzzy boney legs rubbing against my skin. Dreams, are the evilest of all, with this fear my mind generates some of the most scariest situations enabling me to sleep, feel safe and not to worry.

After all the nasty encounters, the petrifying scares and the uncontrollable thoughts, most people would think I can face all my other battles with ease, but it’s not that simple. Ever since 2001 I have always panicked resulting in situations unsolved and my fear to yet again barge into my life. Fear will always effect the way I act, think and feel, it is the emotion that can take me over and make me surrender with second. As Ralph Waldo Emerson, once said “ Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world.” .

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