I find that in my deepest bouts of anxiety and depression, my desire to read is heightened drastically. I found that, naturally, trichotillomania is heightened during these bouts but is present regardless of how I’m feeling, just at a lesser extent. Back to the reading. I find watching my favorite shows on television or on the computer is not stimulating enough for my depressed or anxious mind. Reading not only gives me something to do with my hands (hold the book, turn pages) and keeps me from pulling at my hair, but it occupies my mind and temporarily keeps it from drifting back to thoughts of anxiety. It seems my mind is a complex place, but it always knows just what it wants. It doesn’t want me to write, at the moment. Writing often deters my mind to write about anxiety before I’m ready to, while reading lets it paint a picture and focus on something less realistic or worldly. All in all, it just wants me to read.
May 29, 2012