The Scars Underneath

By , Madison, WI
Everybody always thinks that it’s never going to happen to you, that it’s not really a big problem. That’s what I thought too, at first. Then I met him, the complete opposite of me, and was surprised that someone like him even knew I existed and even more so that he was interested in me. Everyone thought we wouldn’t last a week, because I wasn’t on the same level of the social pyramid as him. Let me explain, I’m basically one of the “rejects” and I’ve been fine with that, being who I am and not being ashamed of anything. He is the classic “jock” that everybody loved, the girls dreamed about, and was the star on the basketball team.

As you can now imagine, it was a total shock to everyone when we started dating. The first two weeks were perfect, no fights or disagreements and we got along great. Past that just became a blur, slowly it went from making comments about my friends and wanting to know where I was at all times and what I was doing to threatening to kill himself because of me to me walking away with a black eye and scars that no cover-up could hide. No one had a clue what was happening, together in public it like nothing was wrong, and the only person that noticed anything was my parents and how much cover-up I’d been buying. It was odd to me that my whole world was falling apart and yet no one could see it.
I couldn’t find the strength in myself to break off the relationship, and no matter how bad the bruises were or what he called me, I still couldn’t let him go. No one had ever said no to him and I wasn’t about to. Finally he broke it off with me because of a rumor his friend told him about me (that the person later confessed was a lie to some of our mutual friends.) It was a very messy break-up, including being pushed against lockers in the hall, threatening texts as well as saying he were going to commit suicide.

Now, 3 months later, the rumors are still lingering as well as the name calling and the occasional “unexplainable” bruises. I even have little children yelling at me cruel names and comments that I don’t know. I have had to consider transferring schools just because I can’t go a week without breaking down because of what’s been happening. Sometimes I just stare in the mirror and look at all the permanent reminders I have that he left me. As sick as it is, I find myself still searching for his approval, to be accepted by him again. I just hope that one day I can look in the mirror and be okay with who I am again, and finally be able to go to school or walk down without anyone yelling something at me. And now I know, that it can happen to anyone and I just wish I would have said no the day he asked me out, and maybe my life would end up better. Maybe, I wouldn’t have had to learn the hard way.





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