Today, when I get home and I am alone, I scream as loud and as long as I can into my pillow. I stomp my feet and I pound on the wall until my knuckles are bruised and bloody. I feel as if my insides are worms and my heart an erupting volcano. I can hear the ticking pulses coming from my temples. My mind has been somewhere else today. It has been focusing on one thing and one thing only, that I have a secret. I have a secret that only I know and I’m not allowed to share it. I am a prisoner in my own conscious. This secret that I have, that I am not allowed to share, is eating my insides out. This secret is boiling my blood and blurring my vision. “I have to share this secret” I think to myself, so that this torture will stop. But I cannot, I will not share this secret that I promised I would keep. I take a deep breath, which seems to calm my stomach. I take one final scream and one final punch to the wall. I take a shower to calm my nerves. At dinner my mother asks me if anything interesting happened at school. I take a breath, telling myself not to break the promise I made. Something interesting did happen today at school, I was told a secret that is like a wild beast trying to break free from its cage. But instead of breaking the promised I promised to keep, I look at my mom and say “No, did anything interesting happen at work today?” The rest of dinner I pretended to be listening to her rave on about what her boss did, and what she ate, but I was really just thinking about the secret that I had. The secret I promised to keep.
I Have a Secret
April 30, 2012