I was only 3 years old, I had no clue what was going on. I wasn’t sure why you were laying in that bed, at that strange place, with everyone around you. I didn’t know why momma said you were in heaven; I didn’t know where heaven was at. I wasn’t sure why everyone was crying at you being asleep, but it didn’t bother me, because I knew when you woke up and momma went to work, I would see you and I would be able to ask you what was going on. Yet, I sung to you, like you always sung to me. I hadn’t realized I would never see your humble face again, or you’re big glasses, or all them rankles from your hard working life. How about your soft loving hands that I remember so well. But anyways, days had passed since I sung to you and put that rose and my nanny’s sopping tissue in the pocket of your tux. I hadn’t seen you, nor heard from you. I came to your house many times after that, and you weren’t home. However, now I realize, you were home all along. I didn’t know it was possible to be two places at once, but it is. You’re in heaven, that’s for sure. Sitting beside Conway Twitty, singing along to his songs, with your pant legs rolled up, you’re coffee and my baby brother in your hands just waiting. I know you’re waiting on me, and nanny, and momma, and so many more to come home too. But papa, I know you’re watching out for us in heaven, and truth be told, you’re always with me every day. Sometimes, when I’m doing wrong I feel ashamed, not just because I’m doing wrong, but because I was your angel. I know I’m not perfect, but I try to be. Not only for momma, but it’s for you too. Sometimes I feel like you’re standing at my bedroom door, like my guardian angel, protecting me in silence, and even though your with him, I know you pray to God. I’m sure you know, that every night when I pray, my last words are always “Tell papa and JJ I’ll see them in heaven, and that I love them dearly, in Jesus name I pray, amen.” See I feel about you like I’ve known you my entire life, and to me I have. I know you’ve somehow made a way to my elementary school and middle school graduation, and I know you’ll be there for my high school graduation too. I know you were there when JJ died, holding out your hard working hands to say you’ll watch over him until your family gets here. I know you wish you were here, because I sure do. I wish I could have just one conversation with you, knowing exactly with I’m talking about. I bet that conversation would last for hours. I can’t wait to talk to you. Papa, I know momma misses you. She doesn’t talk about you much, but it’s easy to say that she misses you. I do too, I hope to see you someday!
May 4, 2012