my dog hobby.

Life sucks… but that’s ok… I don’t mind. I won’t let it stop me… I miss hobby like hell I really do… I have a sad pain inside of me. It won’t go away… it stays for as long as it likes… if I could I would bring him back, but more healthy and stronger… and when I got there I would hug him to death… I’d be so happy… but I know that when I see him I will cry… because each time I think of him sadness sweeps over me… I hate the way that pain feels… how missing him, kills me. How thinking his name is like grieving. Why do we have to die and leave the ones we love? Why? My heart aches in such a way that it is unbearable… so unbearable that I want to put the world on hold just for a few seconds, I want to stop breathing, and I want this tightness in my chest to go away. I want the tears to stop, I want to live again. I miss him, I miss him so much. I miss him in a way that no one can understand, I feel… alone…I feel like life is just a deadly game
There is so much to do, there is so much unexplained, like why I miss him so much. My mind tells me I shouldn’t miss him anymore, My heart says that I should because i loved him so dearly, If he were here I wouldn’t miss him, but then again I would, It is so confusing, I need him here with me, But if he were here
I wouldn't know the feeling of him being gone. I want to see him once more, I miss him laying beside me, petting him , and him howling when somebody came through the door, I wish I was kinder and more caring, I miss all the laughter, That we both once had, I miss all the good times, And nevertheless the bad, I look at the sky, And wonder if God is taking good care of him. If he feels better now that he's with him. he really means the world to me, Even if he is no longer there… sometimes I wonder why I dream the things I that I dream, like of him just laying there on the couch beside me and it would feel so real. Like he was still there… maybe it’s a sign that’s telling me that he's ok. That everything is ok and he's no longer hurting inside. I don’t want him to hurt anymore. I really don’t. I love hobby too much. Why God why??? Why do things have to be this way? How long do I have to wait before I can finally let go of this sadness? I wanted to be able to get better. So much better and now I guess he is but I didn't mean it like that when I prayed to god. All my hopes and dreams seem to have melted and slipped through my fingers… why? Because it seems that no matter how hard you pray nothing ever changes in your favor… I hate it so much! Being so far away from everything that I love. I didn't want him to leave and I probably never will be able to let his memory go, but that’s because love is greater than hate… I guess. Cause if you love someone or something you never want them leave… right? But then again, if you love them then don't you let them go and if they come back then it’s written in stone? Only he's not coming back is he? He’s gone for good. He wasn't like any other dog. He was so close to being a brother. My hobby dog.hobby was the first animal i really did love and i will always love him.





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elycavill This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 12, 2013 at 4:37 am
It is an emotional and really sad story.I am sorry for your dog. I know how it is losing a friend and someone you could rely on and thrust.  :/
 
deadmanwonderland replied...
Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:16 pm
thanks. it was really sad when it happened and he will always be missed... v.v
 
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