Stronger Than Yesterday

March 30, 2012
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Daddy where’s mum? How come I can never find her? Just a little three year old girl, she has another two siblings in the family, one brother Mj 6, and a sister Kristen 2. My life? No one’s heard of my past, but I know for a fact that God wrote my story, what do I mean by story I mean my LIFE!

Growing up I never knew mum, half the time I didn’t see dad and the other half of the time I was looking after Mj and Kristen. Our life wasn’t easy even though it looked it, 3 young kids neglected without even knowing it. Dad never left our sides, He took us one day to a very far place ‘Balana’ in Queensland, and we lived there. Dad, Mj, Kristen, dad's girlfriend Louise, her 2 children and I. oh what fun it was a big house, and pull and yes, a mum.

I loved everything even though I was still 3 years old, I realised dad was always arguing with Louise and it came quite obvious that we weren’t going to stay there for long.

Suddenly, I had woken up in the front seat of dads car I turned around finding Mj and Kristen in the back crying “STOP, don’t do it” dad screamed from the driver’s seat, Across through to my window was Louise holding Kristen’s bike ready to smash it through my window. Dad locked all the doors, and before we knew it police sirens were going off. What was the fight about? What had happened? Everything was so right! That night we slept near a hotel near a police station. The next morning I had woken up looking for dad but all I found was my siblings fast asleep, I had broken out in tears, but just then my grandma walked through the door, I was so scared and ran and hugged my grandma. Teta (grandmother) where is dad? She replied to me in Lebanese saying “ we have to go home now , home in Sydney and dad will come tomorrow” We left back to our huge house in Meredith st Bankstown and settled in. Dad arrived a few weeks later even though we were told one more day. Who was with him? A new friend! “She’s pretty” said Kristen her name was Debe and dad and her became very close. Dad was always our hero we wanted to always be as close as we could with him.

After a couple of years dad started disappearing for a couple of days then he would return, it became a habit. We hardly saw dad anymore but still lived at Tetas house. First day of school…. I was so excited, so nervous and most of all so upset! As I watched al the new kindys arrive with their Mums, I walked in with my Aunty Himo and her friends. My dad came from a family of nine, 6 sisters and 2 Brothers. Himo was the youngest and smartest.

I was introduced to so many kids, teachers and work everything was so new, I never knew how to socialise with anyone. Years went by and I reached year 3 this was going to be my last year at St. Felix dad told me, He said he has bought a new house and introduced us to his new girlfriend Cheryl she had a son Daniel who was so in love with my sister Kristen it was actually disgusting.

We left grandma’s house and moved into our new home, Cheryl and Daniel following.

Cheryl always had her days it was scary but at the beginning she was everything I wanted in a mum until dad and her started fighting constantly. Cheryl and I never got along as I always stood up for dad even if he was in the wrong and even if it was none of my concern!
I became a brat who was against her and her son, I didn’t want dad with her anymore, what had happened to me? I hated everything, my new home, new friends, new school and especially not being able to have a real mum. Days went by, months and then years, I was now in year 5. Outside our classroom in the hallway my friends and I practiced our dance for a school even called “ BASS HILL IDOL” but suddenly my aunty Joanne walked in and told me we had to go home early, I followed her as I grabbed my bag. A woman stood in front of me smiling, I grabbed Joanne’s leg and politely smiled back. Aunty Joanne gently grabbed my arm stood in front of her and asked me if I knew who this strange woman was, I replied shaking my head saying “no.” That’s your mum, as my heart dropped I ran and hugged her was I dreaming? I ran to find Kristen, she was sitting down with her class on the other side of the playground, Kay Kay I called her “mums here”, her face was shocked as she saw her and tears started to drop from her eyes. We were so excited to finally of met our mum, running back home waiting for Mj’s school bus to drop him off, have I mentioned Mj’s down syndrome and goes to a school with all types of children with disabilities, but we were always told mj was the brightest student. Running of his bus with a smile on as usual, me and Kristen ran to him telling him Mums here, he dropped his school bag and ran up to her. Our lives had changed, but we were still living at home, dad was still with his physco girlfriend who began to go through depression but now our mum was visible. Cheryl and dad split after a while and mum promised to live in Sydney and not go back to Lebanon, Dad asked if mum had wanted him back and I had just hit year 7. Condell park high school, known for the worst girls, scariest fights, hottest guys, but best education, I was innocent, knew no one. I began to hang out with the wrong people, started to jig school and smoke here and there. Mum had left back to Lebanon, coming to see us every Christmas time, Dad met a new woman Sharyn with 3 kids, Mj finished school and Kristen was in year 6. A lot had changed especially with my behaviour, I classified myself as cool, the sickest, and mad, but other saw me as a want to be hard chick from Bankstown a so called “typical Lebo girl”. My language consisted of bro, cuz and other inappropriate words and my action were terrible. The office was my home; I was always in trouble and found myself there every day, suspended, afterschool’s and constant detentions. By this time I was in year 8 which meant Kristen was in high school but she did not follow me she went to a private school St Charbel’s college, she left home and moved in with my grandma, Mj was going to a home for all types of disabilities every day and as for me I was getting pulled out of st Charbel’s, Sharyn’s kids went to live with their dad’s and dad and Sharyn had a baby no wait 2, little girls Lelani and Jasmine one year apart. I had left home and went to live with my grandma, I attended st Charbel’s it wasn’t anything like I ever expected, skirts up to your knees, no makeup and phone calls home? WHAT was happening I hated everything, no one was like me at all and on top of that I still believed I was cooler than anyone, But I started to change for the better. I was more polite, spoke like a lady and dressed appropriately. In 2010 my stepmother Sharyn kicked my Down syndrome brother out of home, why? Apparently he helped our little sister Lelani get dressed and she had accused him of touching her. Dad let it happen, yes our hero watched us all leave, here we are today us 3 kids me 17, Kristen 16 and Mj 20 living with our grandmother, uncle and two aunties. Dad forgot us, mum left and we continued our life.2011 came along my mum had a baby, I went to Lebanon to see her I hadn’t been to Lebanon since 2000 so I didn’t remember much . I fought with mum every day, cried most of the time, ran away 3 times and worst of all I wanted to die when she told me she hates leaving her daughter, Ashley at home as she feels she’s neglecting her I became an angry person and used my anger in a better way to make myself a smarter and wiser individual. I had a grandma she was my mother, an uncle he was my father. They changed me to be the person I am today, throughout my life past and experiences I have changed to a grown descent lady who came from a beautiful family that God blessed me with.

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